The Undertow: Session Twenty-One

Akseli, Mikansia's mentor, had the memories of the vile dark elf Krakeru merged into his mind. Unable to control himself, Akseli had killed a group of children, mistaking them for monsters from the hellish Lone Keep, Krakeru's home. Mikansia saved Akseli from an angry mob. Can she help save Akseli from himself?

Screams were the prelude to the advent of the human soldier and the woman. She was hysterical. He was tight-lipped. As Mikansia came running she hoped she would see Akseli, prayed he'd be there. Maybe it would be something else they could help with... Akseli was nowhere on her way over. Mikansia found herself slowing down, hoping if she gave more time Akseli would apparate, right out of thin air, beside her. Mikansia knew it was more than seeing him here so he wouldn't be in trouble that she desired: she'd feel safer, just in general.

But Akseli did not appear. And the news these brownish humans brought didn't make her feel safer either. "The child murderer, who the Countess of Fire protected the last time, flayed a man alive, in front of his wife" intoned the dark brown human, dressed in a uniform of black and blue. "His name was Octavian. This is his mother, Claudia. She has come with me to seek justice".

The woman's eyes were bloodshot. Mikansia's heart bled with them. "My daughter-in-law, Julianna, is still traumatized. My... my boy... that monster, he-"

"Claudia!" he snapped. She wilted under the sudden glare and Mikansia found herself taking a step back. The man pulled Claudia away, whispering, but not softly enough for Mikansia's elven ears to miss. "I told you I would handle it! These elves are a cold-blooded lot, and your cries for pity would only make it worse! You had one job: present some form of proof that they could understand, by being present. You were not to talk, and so help me-"

"Claudia!" both the humans stopped and turned to face Mikansia, who took a step forward. "Claudia, can I talk to you?" Mikansia asked, softly. Claudia squirmed, but the man let her go with an exasperated movement. Trembling, Claudia approached the "cold-blooded" Mikansia. She smiled as gently as could at Claudia, which made her flinch. "I want to find out as much as you do, I promise. We're going to resolve this. Everything is going to be alright." Claudia's eyes didn't change, but she did try to smile.

It didn't take very long to find Akseli. He was sitting in the shambles of Sabina's Castle, covered from head to toe in smelly red. When Akseli looked up and saw Mikansia he smiled, causing the red around the corners of his mouth to crack. Mikansia didn't recognize the smile. It wasn't Krakeru's, nor was it Akseli's. It belonged to someone else. "Mikk- Mikansia! It's good to see you!"

Mikansia's jaw went slack. And then tightened in outrage "That's what you're going with?? After what you've done?"

Akseli's brow furrowed, sending more cracks into the red. "You mean all... this?" he pointed at his caked self. "you think... what do you think happened??"

"You skinned a man! In front of his wife!"

"Of course I did! He was raping her, Mikansia!"

"That's no excuse! None!"

"Are you insane??" Akseli stood up, fists clenched. Mikansia found herself gripping the hilt of her sword. She didn't want to. "He pulled a knife. He was taunting her. After you, after Makirta and all the others... no. No more. No. I wasn't in the wrong."

"Not wrong? You traumatized his wife! His mother! They're heartbroken!"

Akseli laughed bitterly. It was a hollow sound, totally foreign to Mikansia's experience of her mentor. "Yeah, I'm sure the wife was traumatized by what I did! She was thanking me as I ended that filth's life. And who cares about the mother?? She raised a rapist and he deserved what he got."

Somewhere in Mikansia's heart a crack appeared in the dam. Water began to seep out. "You would have never had said that before, Akseli. You wouldn't have enjoyed it! This is Krakeru, not you! I know you! You're better than this!"

"You knew me, yes. But I'm different now. I have 600 years of a serial killer in my head and I can't help that. It's like you said: we are a product of our environment. And my environment changed. Besides, don't you dare tell me that you didn't enjoy gutting Krakeru over Jabez's corpse!

"That's not what I said! And I never enjoyed killing someone for their own sake, even Krakeru!" Mikansia shouted. The cracks in the dam multipled, right along with the frown lines in the red of Akseli's face. "That's not you. Krakeru shouldn't be a part of you."

"It's too late for that. Krakeru's memories aren't just a part of me. I integrated them in, willfully." Mikansia's eyes became dinner plates. Akseli couldn't quite look at her. "What can I do, other than accept it? It was that or let refuse the memories and make matters worse. This needs to be controlled."

"Like when you killed those children?"

Akseli stopped. He took a deep breath. "That's. Not. Fair. You know as well as I do that I wasn't in control at that point. I'm disappointed. After what happened to you I'd have thought you'd have been more patient."

"After what happened to me??? How dare you! What happened to me is nothing.. nothing!"

"You mean having to remember something that should not have been yours, over and over again? No similarity at all?"

"I didn't hurt anyone!"

Akseli laughed so hard that salt crusted on his cracked, red, cheeks.  "That's so naive! Selfish! You think you weren't hurting me while you were drinking profane human booze and fucking any disgusting male you could find? I mean, you were practically ready to go to the stables to forget your pain and you think that didn't affect me?? Or Yngvar? Or Tyce?"

Mikansia set her jaw. "I. Didn't. Kill. Children."

Akseli practically teleported into her face. He wasn't capable of that before. His fingers were on the hilt of a knife he definitely didn't have when Mikansia had last seen him. "If you say that one more time I will kill you. Stop."

Mikansia tried not to show her fear. "Then come back with me, to Marian. She may be able to try something else."

"Like what? More nothing?? Or to let the humans have me, so they can punish me for doing the right thing? No. No thank you."

Mikansia found she couldn't meet Akseli's eyes anymore. "I wouldn't let them do whatever farce they have for justice. Not to you." She tried to meet his eyes again, but an expression so alien greeted her that she couldn't.  It wasn't Akseli she was looking at. Nor was it Krakeru.

And the chuckle she heard was different too. "You're good, Mikansia, but not that good. You take me back and I die. You need to let me go."

Mikansia took a second to register that. "What?? After all of this??"

"You need to let me go. I'll go south, which has hardly any cities, nevermind anything else. I won't go north, where the Argentum are trying to rebuild. I won't go east, where Golau's forces prowl. And I won't head west, to the Fer Kingdoms. Only south. I'll figure it out from there. No one else is going to get hurt. But I need time and space to figure this out. That's all this is. I promise."

Mikansia examined the beloved stranger's face. Most of the ticks Akseli had were gone; he was almost unrecognizable to her. "You... there's to much Krakeru in there. I can't let you go..."

"No, what you see is someone different from the father figure you've come to rely on and need. And you desperately want that person back"

Mikansia wanted to deny that. She couldn't.

Akseli looked deeply into her soul. He saw the conflict. The longing for safety. Every last ounce of effort she was making to understand. And a familiar smile came to his face, straight out of the past. Akseli wrapped Mikansia in his arms. And, as Mikansia relaxed, it came to her: she should stab him, here and now. Mikansia couldn't let someone who enjoyed torturing anyone walk away; that was all Krakeru. Akseli had murdered children. And she couldn't let him, let that, go. But she couldn't bring him back to the humans either. They wouldn't give Akseli a quick death, nor would they treat him with the dignity he deserved. Mikansia tensed. She had to do it.

But she couldn't.

Akseli squeezed her, let go, and sat back on the rubble. Tilting his head and exposing his throat, Akseli gazed up at the sky. "You know, I've never gotten used to this blue sky. You?"

Mikansia was stiff as a board. That dam in there had a lot of cracks in it by now. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't move. She couldn't grant him a swift death. "No, I've not gotten used to it either."

"How can they stand this blue? When it could be black and blue, with rainbow diamonds in it? It's just so plain."

They both shared a laugh. Mikansia found she could sit next to Akseli.

"Still, it has some beauty to it, does it not?" asked Akseli, a familiar smile on his face Finally. Mikansia nodded. She couldn't help smiling. Feeling safe. "But all skies pale compared to Makirta. She was... she is everything. Even now."

Mikansia peered into the blue of high noon. "You think she's up there, somewhere?"

And there was that laugh! that wonderful, safe, laugh. Mikansia couldn't help but chuckle along. "I know she is! She's out there, doing some good for someone, even now. I know it. Just like you. You have her fire, her spirit, that spark. And you've done so well with it". Akseli's smile made Mikansia's heart soar. "I'm so proud of you".

Mikansia's heart dropped with Akseli. He was so light in her arms...

And then she was holding clothes. And dust.

The dam burst. Mikansia fell over. The rubble of Argentum Reskartum reverberated with her ever hoarser voice. Whether that went on for an eternity, an hour a minute? Mikansia would never know. But when she did come back to herself she found something was in Akseli's shirt: a gold necklace, with diamonds set in it. In the exact same style as the ring Mikansia had received. It had been Makirta's.

Marian was sitting in front of their abode, looking stressed. When she saw Mikansia with Akseli's clothes, neatly folded and pressed to her chest, necklace hanging in its new place, Marian ran to her and gave her a bear hug. Mikansia tensed, but relaxed into the embrace after a moment.

"He's... he's..." she couldn't say more.

"He gave you what he could."

Mikansia nodded, not really paying attention, and went to her room. Hours past, until she thought her tear ducts had burst. Dry and hollow, she sat in the artificial darkness.

The merciful silence was broken. "I'm... I'm Julianna... I'm told you were the one who killed him. The elf who killed my husband."

"He... he's gone, that's true."

"I'm so sorry. I told them not to come to you"

"Why?"

"Octavian was going to rape me. Skin me! He was laughing about it! If-"

Mikansia didn't hear the rest. That hadn't been Krakeru, cold and premeditative. That had been Akseli, acting in a moment of passion upon seeing an innocent tortured. That had been Akseli, who had lost control in the face of utter evil. And Mikansia hadn't seen it. Wouldn't see it. She had been wrong. And Akseli had sacrificed himself because she wouldn't. Her petty little world couldn't hold that idea, and Akseli had died for it. He knew she was wrong, and he had done what only Akseli could have.

She heard Marian's voice.

And then there was just darkness.

Merciful, sweet darkness.