Dark Souls RPG Reflections

 

Welcome back! Good to see you! Today we go over my thoughts on the Dark Souls RPG, as I start contemplating the next campaign.

The Dark Souls RPG has a lot of promise. Like, the kind of promise I'm willing to hack around to accommodate. So I'm not pretending that this is a perfect game, but I'm not aware of too many games that do this one loop so well. It's half-baked, but the parts that are fully cooked are so good that I can't help myself.

The Way It Actually Works

Dark Souls is a d20 game that isn't about the d20, which is the biggest compliment I can give. D20's are swingy as hell, and this game adds in one wrinkle to the decision: Position (HP). If you fail the roll, you have to decide if it's worth spending Position to succeed. The d20 informs your decision, but it isn't the core decision. Provided the GM provides good information... you now have one heck of a dilema on your hands. Because Position is so fragile in surprise situations, how do you decide which tasks are worth succeeding or failing on? 

The decision wouldn't matter as much if it wasn't for just how brutal the damage is. Damage in Dark Souls is around double the damage of 5e, so screwing up rolls in this game can lead to insta-death very quickly. And there's that freaking Wisdom save whenever you die, that does random things to your character if you fail it.. .and you're almost assuredly going to. Each death changes you, for better or for worse, and you simply don't know what the consequences of death might be.

So the core loop, properly played, is this series of calculated gambles, to either allow the failure or to force a success. Position tells you how much leeway you have, and when you die, it changes you, making the next run different. It is a constant, low thrum of anxiety and dread.

It's awesome.

And there's nothing like it, to the best of my knowledge, in the TTRPG space. Not quite so elegantly built, as your Position is your health. Players have an immediate idea of what they're doing, when they're sacrificing Position. The tension is incredible. And if this one thing was the only thing in the game, it would be awesome. 

The combat spends for Position (extra damage and extra movement) are understated, but they're extremely useful, especially the movement one. Do not estimate how useful it is to have your speed doubled for a paltry amount of Position, especially if you have a reach weapon. It is for this reason I think the Dark Souls RPG is a grid and minis game: players have issue trying to figure out just how useful the movement spend is, unless they're looking at it and realizing "Waitasec, I can legitimately not be around for the monsters, and force them to come to me." Seeing it is better than any reminder. However, the core “how much should I spend before the GM utterly ruins me” is still quite present. 

This Game Has a Right Way to Play It

It is a mudcore dungeoncralwer. You're playing characters who are perpetually stressed-out, pushing their luck, and hoping they can bank up enough souls to level up at a bonfire, before dying. "Muh story" people really need to go find another game. It won't work like that.

HOWEVER.

The rest of the game has a hard time matching up with this loop. Some of it's perfect too. Some of it's... imperfect... and some of it's just outright bad. The fact that the outright bad has to do with the shit editing, making this a book I am forced to write in, is unforgivable. This is a pretty book and I have to mark it up. 

Steamforged, get ready for that rant. Coz it’s coming and I do not intend to be gentle. This is shameful stuff. 

The Souls System

The souls system, wherein XP and money are collected, is just on the right side of detail. The biggest change is that souls are spent to level up, resetting them to zero. This means that going from level 2 to level 3 doesn't require another 600 souls, but another 900. I cannot overstate just how profound an impact this one change has on the game. The stakes were clarified at the table so powerfully and simply, that almost this alone would have made a Dark Souls game. My players would laugh when they died, because the souls were gone, and they knew that they had screwed up. The punishment was so over-the-top and ridiculous that the players would laugh to tears... or at least I think it was laughter. They kept playing! The horrible punishment forced them to try to learn to navigate the environment. 

Skills

Skills is a spot where the game rules definitely needed to be more fleshed out... to the point where I considered just doing the 3.5 skill system, or adapting it somehow. There was some guidance on how to adjudicate challenges outside of combat in the core book... but it's not a lot. Folks, this is mudcore OSR, and that's that. And the rules for adjudicating mudcore dungeoncrawl are... adequate. They're not terrible. But they're not good. I wanted crunch here, to support me as I played. Maybe you won't, but it came up a lot for me, personally. The "talk your way through the puzzle" sounds nice, until you have to do it a lot. I get exhausted of it. I'd rather have rules to look up and learn. "Find what works for you" is nice... until you have to do it all the time. And this game actually has the depth in its loop to handle crunch... and it doesn't have it. And it should.

The Organization of this Book Makes Me Angry

Of all the things that are a sin in this book, it's the absolutely abysmal organization that does it for me. It goes from "why isn't this table featured more prominently" to "THIS IS UTTER GARBAGE".

The biggest offender, by far, is the miserable lack of page references in the Locations section, combined with the utterly asinine monster organization. There's all these tables with monsters, with no page reference numbers. Nothing. You have to climb through, (and this is true of all THREE books) and figure out where the monster is. And, since the monsters aren't alphebatized, but are instead in "groupings" like "undead", "beasts", "denizens"... and I don't think even the monsters organizations are freaking alphabetized either. It's a nightmare finding monsters.

I have to write the numbers into the book in order for the most important section in the book (for GMs) to be usable! The book's poor organization requires it, and that pisses me off. This is a premium book, one I do not want to make marks in, and instead I'm having to scrawl page numbers because the editors were utter idiots. Utter. Fucking. Idiots. Steamforged really should be ashamed of themselves, but we know that that's not something the company as a whole is good at.

It's not any better with the items. The types of items are not necessarily intuitive, and they're not organized alphabetically either. This makes finding things... really really really hard. And I hate it. It's not an absolute deal breaker, but I'm more than a few months into using this book and I am absolutely not used to it yet. It takes me so much work to do what should be a simple look up, and I have no idea why they did it this way.

The Advice is Stupid

There are.... two...?  Two, I think. Lines of good advice in the book.

Do what you want with this game, whatever works for you, is bullshit advice. It indicates a nervousness about having a vision for your game.

The game is clearly mudcore oldschool. It's not a question. The mechanics, if played straight, produce a brilliantly flawed mudcore experience.

And about two lines of the advice serves this.

The rest is just "what do you want your story to be like" and "this game is yours" nonsense.

It is most of the advice in the books. All three of them.

There is no advice on how to make monsters. You have to go find other 5e products for that. Fortunately the monster design itself is pretty darn good, so you don't have to worry about this so much but... this is an outright glaring absence in the game's advice and design.

This Game Is Flawed

There is so much to recommend this game. It is a masterclass in getting players of any experience level invested. When we got done with our short little game, the players all immediately said they wanted to come back to it, after our Pathfinder 2e excursion. One of the players and I swap GMing duties, and you don't pass that kind of thing up. However, we're fully invested in this. I'm making a bigger map. Something we can chip away at as the months and years go on. I'm putting ideas together and I'm really excited. What so few games get right (the essentials), the Dark Souls RPG lands with aplomb.

However, the rest of the game is a mess. A shamefully hard to use mess. Like, the book is fundamentally flawed in its organization, to a degree that is an outright failure on Steamforged's part.

If you're willing to put in the work, you have one of the best experiences you'll ever have for a conventional RPG. If you don't... I really can't blame you, this book's organization is a shame before God and man.

Why Do You Care So Much???

This is a fair question! Why bother?

There isn't a rational answer and I won't pretend otherwise.

However.

I don't have to care if I'm being rational, and neither do you. And the answer may be interesting to you.

Some Things Just Fit

Aesthetics are supra-rational. They are what rationality is derived from. For whatever reason, the visual and narrative aesthetics of Dark Souls is home in a way that no other pre-established setting is. And the game's mechanics for this TTRPG evoke that feeling for me: ruined grandeur, something beautiful turned to something rotted. Which automatically creates this need to make it right again, even if you doubt it can ever be done. For whatever reason this game evokes that sentiment out of me, and I am better person for experiencing it.

One day the flame will return, and all will be well.

Now, that may not be the reason to forgive a game its many flaws for you, but it sure is for me.

And it really does come down to that.

Here I stop. If you I do not see you next week, I do not blame you. It is not easy road.

Atchison: Session Two

Atchison: Session One

Atchison: Session 0

The Dragon's Fire: Reflections on a Wonderful Failure

 

Welcome back! Today I go over some of my thoughts on the latest Crescendo epic.

Games have design goals. They're meant to provide an experience, which keeps people coming back because they're having fun! The goal of Crescendo is to replicate the feeling of reading Wolfe, to take his principles and put them in a TTRPG space. Adaptation does not mean trying to replicate the original exactly, but to adapt its principles into a different medium.

So, on the one hand, Crescendo is a ton of fun. People are coming back and having a really meaningful time. Heroes are a wonderfully designed character type, and literally nothing in the TTRPG space exists that does what Heroes in Crescendo does. That's a fact. Heroes are successful. They successfully draw an arc found in Wolfe extremely well.

However, that doesn't mean Crescendo is successful in achieving the goal "replicating Wolfe's principles". And that is... not what Crescendo does. Not yet.

Let me try to explain. Let me try to show you what's wrong.

At the beginning of The Dragon's Fire, I introduced a girl-vampire (as in, a vampire who was turned when she was a girl), called The Bride. Now, I had a backstory for The Bride. She was a child who was brainwashed into thinking she loved Eous, The Big Bad. So when he turned her, as an 11 year old child, she went willingly. I didn't come up with more than that, just enough to know this NPC was evil, and liked it... and was seemingly naive about it in a way that should have been chilling.

The Bride showed up four times in thirty plus sessions of gameplay.

Four.

Now, to be clear, this wasn't exactly a problem, per se. The game does a good job of shaking up the spotlight around the players pretty thoroughly. So there was always something interesting going on, it just wasn't... well.. any of the villains, the monsters, of the setting. There were hints of what could have been depth, but nobody cared when Raphael took the Bride down, and when the original dragon vanished, nobody looked. This was because, in order to capture Wolfe's startling breadth of vision in a game, I had to put a completely different kind of workload on the Weaver, who is not a GM. As I have repeatedly stated. 

This is a problem for a few reasons:

1. Wolfe's stories manage to squeeze a lot of depth into each and every character that ever hits the page. They're not "NPCs", but protagonists in a stories that you simply can't linger on. The current set up does not support that feeling.

2. Without that depth, it is hard for players to fully invest in the setting itself. There needs to be some parts of the world that push back harder than others, in a way that preserves player autonomy.

3. Because of the chaos, the Weaver cannot focus on NPCs to develop.

4. The game is about challenging Beliefs and then holding the players responsible to the Myth. That's already a lot.

In short, I think this was the best campaign of Crescendo I have ever run, one of my best in general, and it was somewhat in spite of the game I made.

That.. doesn't make me feel good. My players were awesome, I was absolutely on fire, and Crescendo carried us pretty far... and could have carried us a lot farther.

Fortunately, there's a pretty simple fix.

Whatever you want to give depth to, you give to a player. 

GMs, who aren't having to work with half as many left-field "WTF" moments as a Crescendo Weaver, benefit incredibly from this principle (see the book on the right)... and that's going to go  triple for Weavers.

Fortunately, that's going to be really easy to mine out of Wolfe, because he gets into the psychology of monsters, a lot: they're simply creatures who don't want any change to affect them. They cannot adapt in a way that others can work with, because their very nature makes them unable to adapt in a way that's friendly to others.

Wolfe's stories do not skimp on monsters who have very deep, very complicated, inner lives... that are utterly unable to do anything other than look to their own interests. Unlike Heroes, whose development can go anywhere, Monsters can only be interested in themselves... and have an infinity of ways of thinking about their own needs.

Someone's going to go "Just stop developing already! Move on!"

No.

Let's get this clear, for anyone who's reading this and who cares. This is my hobby. This is for fun. Anyone who thinks I am trying to develop a commercial product needs to rethink their assumptions.

I am not.

Yeah, sure, there's a PDF up on DriveThruRPG. You can go buy it for five bucks. It would be nice if you did. But I also just drop the PDF on people for free, because this is what I do for fun. If it makes money, cool. If it doesn't... okay? I want this damn game to do Wolfe. And it's gonna do it. 

Because the stuff this game does right deserves to be supported. I think about King Melny the Dragonslayer, Alistair the Serpentbane, and Raphael the Hordefighter... and my goodness that legitimately makes my heart hurt, in the best way possible. These huge legends and the things they did that literally nobody will know about. The apology of King Melny, where he admitted that his evil ways were born of fear and how he wanted to be better... and how that cost him Junior. Like, that hit me really hard. Alistair trying to understand how Natasha was still with him, actually with him, even after death, and failing to do so, and having to accept that he would never fully get it. Raphael holding his friend after a good and long life and being the last thing he ever saw. 

That shit means something to me. It lives in me, in the best way possible. Those memories are the reason I run games like this. Like, sure, I want to have fun too, but... there's something so human in it, and I need that. I think people in  general need that: unplanned humanity.

My priority is that experience, at my table. And Monsters will make that stronger. There could have been the moment where The Bride doubled down on her evil, in a way that shows she literally can't think of another way to do things, eliciting pity and horror. There could have been the moment where the original dragon tried to escape her tormentors and failed. That wouldn't have taken away from the Dragonslayer, Serpentbane, and Hordefighter. Quite the opposite. It would have made those moments even better, because the pity and horror of The Bride would have made the good moment sharper.

But that requires adding things to the game, and that's fine. The design shall continue until morale improves!

So yeah. This was a gorgeous failure. Let's make the next one work better. ONWARDS.

It is here that I leave you. If I do not see you next time, I do not blame you. It is no easy road.

Letters to God

 

Welcome back! Good to see you! We're going to listen to me rant about a long-standing problem today.

I have never, not even once, doubted that God exists. It's never been a question for me. I know there's people who are like "Well, there isn't a compelling reason to think there's a God." I have never had that question. Dunno why. I just haven't.

My question is a different type: if God is real, does He really love me? Can He?

This past week has been hard. I thought I was done with flashbacks, with PTSD. I even had said goodbye to my therapist in that capacity. All had been well.

Welp.

It's been a week of flashbacks, all the old self-destructive impulses, and the crushing realization that everything I have ever written on this blog is true... and that's not necessarily making me happy. I don't know what to do with myself. With my life. The realization that it's all true and I am somehow all of it has crashed in with the sickening epiphany that I'm still riddled with nervous tics that aren't healthy, moral injuries I can't even see, and a sense of fallibility that's frankly floored me.

These are all bullshit words to try and communicate a deep panic. Imagine some poor kid on a merry-go-round, puke flying out of his mouth, as he begs everyone to let him get off for a moment... and then collapses on the damn thing as it spins and cries. And it just never stops spinning. Even as he goes catatonic.

I came home today, trying very much to ignore these things. And found myself snapping at Maria. She'd done something small, and instead of just shrugging and going "Well, nobody's perfect," I went "WHY AREN'T YOU PERFECT WHEN I NEED YOU TO BE." I mean, why not? I put in the work, why shouldn't I have some demands.

The young and stupid are nodding along.

The older and happily married are going "OH SHIT YOU DIDN'T".

I almost did.

I sorta struggled through the rest of the objectively pleasant evening. It is amazing how damaging your own sins are, to your ability to enjoy a simple evening. But man, it almost ruined me this night. I just... sat through it. Let myself simmer and stew. I gritted my teeth and was present as best as I could be. I later tried telling Maria I was sorry, and that almost started a fight, but finally I just said "It wasn't small to me."

And her response?

"I know, but I couldn't do what you wanted. I can't just be what you want."

Rage came up.

Was swallowed.

And I really looked at this poor woman who had been blindsided with a battle neither of us anticipated. I felt, for just one moment, that quiet and tired thing that kept her coming back to me, radiating off of her.  The small, still Voice was in her tiredness. It always seems to be. He always seems to be in those moments when she's just trying to love me and I'm fighting her with every last bit of strength... and still she persists. What a saint. She's way too fucking good for me.

I nodded. "No, you can't. And that's okay."

She relaxed. She could tell I meant it.

And for one second I could feel something resembling peace.

It was short-lived. It isn't always, but tonight it is. Oh well. God knows my warring heart needs something to do, I suppose. Here we go. So, I'm sitting here, later, banging this out on my keyboard instead of cleaning the fucking kitchen, and I am saying, loudly, angrily, with more hope than I ever thought I could: "I'M NOT FUCKING DONE YET. IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??? I GOT A LOT MORE IN THE TANK, AND I'M STILL YOUNG. LET'S GO!"

Is that the wisest thing?

Probably not.

But I can only be what I am, and right now I am pissed off and want to take all that's evil within me and get rid of it. And I can feel that it is obliging me in the appointment. I am going to win.

So I get up, eager. Rage sparks through my bones, getting my muscles to work again... I see the incoming wave. I know that I am going back to the war. I will need to swim through this next tsunami of exhaustion, trauma, and moral damage. It's coming right at me.

Oh, Defender, if only you could see what I see, as I see it!

I can't run. The wave is too big. I wonder if it'll take me out. For one second there's a twinge of fear.

It turns to aggression, raw defiance: if I go down, it's going to be charging. Let's go. I start a run. Right into the darkness. Again.

Who knows? Maybe the eagles will come in time, this time. I keep seeing them, circling. Hopefully those aren't vultures. That would suck. Oh well. Only one way to find out. Hopefully God does love me, and those are eagles.

I suppose God loves vultures too. He gives them food, too, specifically those who don't make it. Even the bones of the fallen are used to benefit someone. Should I despair of God's love as He provides for the vultures?

Fuck it. Time to go live.

It is here I leave you, until next week. If I do not see you again, I do not blame you. It is no easy road.

The Dragon's Fire: Epilogue