Mutant Crawl Classics is Lazy

Let's get something out of the way: I love this game. The "roll and find out" mentality is perfectly illustrated here. It's a weird game with weird dice and weird results leading to weird and hilarious adventures. The character funnel alone sums up everything I've ever loved about d20 games. So don't take the following article as one-sided hate. I own the game. I will run the game. If someone else wants to run the game so I can play I will jump at the chance!

For those of you who are unaware of how the DCC/MCC setup works, here's the lowdown. DCC is a crazy dungeon crawler, filled with weird zocchi dice like d5s and d7s and d16s and more, combined with tons of tables for spells and critical hits and misses. Stories from randomized events are the order of the day for DCC/MCC, and the DCC/MCC games are experts are pulling order out of the chaotic mess that is dice rolling. They own it to a T: you randomly roll up to four zero level scrubs and throw them through a character-murdering funnel at at the beginning of the campaign. You then make a first level character from one of those survivors and play from there. Your characters are scrappy but fragile, and life is a brutal series of challenges that change you far more than you expected. And it's awesome.

That being said...

Mutant Crawl Classics claims to be two things: a supplement of Dungeon Crawl Classics and a standalone game, in that order.  I think the fact that they put it in that order is important to understanding the rest of this game. By the book's statement they wanted to make something to expand upon Dungeon Crawl Classics, but they also wanted to have the cake they were eating and make the game seem like it could be complete. I'm not sure how they arrived at that conclusion for a book that doesn't even have a GMing section, or a section on how to design monsters, not to mention a full spell list for the human shaman, or some of the most boring human classes I've ever witnessed.

Speaking of humans... the definition of lazy is in their class design. Notice that I didn't say broken. The human classes are not "bad". They're actually very powerful, with an amount of passively regenerating Luck that any DCC character would be jealous of. They are, according to the designer, more powerful than their DCC counterparts, and this is objectively true? I mean, assuming you do a lot of camping and obey the 15 minute work-day, you can burn Luck at a ridiculous rate, allowing you to circumvent most challenges in a truly unfair manner. So the classes, as designed, encourage an actively unfun method of play. With the human classes you do not play to find out what happens, but are being the scum of the earth, which is against the very spirit of  the game.

This brings me to what appears to be the second worst class in the game: the Rover. Again, I don't mean in terms of effectiveness: this sucker can regenerate Luck pretty quickly. But DnD style games have always had a harder time with rogue-like characters, simply because they don't really have any support for anything not a spell or combat, and that's where rogues are supposed to shine! Whereas Sentinels have an easy fix to their less-than stellar class design by porting in the Mighty Deeds of Arms, Rovers really don't have anything worth taking from their DCC counterpart. I mean, can you imagine a whole series of tables about trying to unlock doors and hack equipment, with the Rover getting better tables to roll on, akin to the Sentinel's crit tables. Hell, it's weird sci-fi future, why isn't there a table for talking doors or something of that nature? The rest of the game is so off the wall

But all of this pales in comparison to the insult that is the Healer class. It barely qualifies as a class, especially in comparison to the Rover, which also hardly qualifies as a class, but is nowhere near as boring as the Healer. There is practically no reason to pick this class, other than someone really should. A "should" is not fun. A "should" is not good game design. It would be one thing if this class was actually doing stuff with biofeedback and homeopathy like they claim he does. That stuff can do a hell of a lot more than just heal people in real life, before you throw in zany super science!

Now, normally I'm not that peeved by OSR-type games being so light on class design. That is part of their design, after all. But DCC/MCC has something that other OSR-like games normally don't have, which is a ton of tables and rules for interacting with said tables. Mutants, Manimals, and Plantients are defined by these tables, to an often hilarious degree. The human classes either barely interact with those tables (Shamans) or... well.. critical hits and fumbles, for everything else. Humans do, in fact, interact with the artifact tables and A.I.'s (this world's version of gods) particularly well (especially the Sentinel), but the simple fact of the matter is that it's not as interesting what an single DCC class can do, by themselves, without being at the mercy of the GM's ideas. And that really is the crux of the issue: the non-human classes have choices and features that are not a the mercy of the GM, and you can't say that about the non-Shaman human classes.

It's a shame, because I didn't want to be this negative about this game. Goodman Games make games and with a lot of heart and soul.. which is why partially why I am so hard on this game's classes, which don't have that same soul. I'm going to play this game. It's awesome. But I don't want to pretend that I won't houserule the crap out of almost all the human classes. I'll probably write those up after I've playtested them a bit. But still: as a base experience this is lacking. And it's a real, real, real shame.

Sabina's Castle: Session Six

Spar: A dwarf, played by Andy. Spar has been masquerading as a short human by the name of Jasper for a while, undercover for The Processors, the trash processing magic guild, who believe he can talk to stones. They're wrong, of course. Spar was recently given a Dagger of Betrayal, a terrifying artifact belong to The Cult of the Leviathan, who want him to stab it into the back of Caius.

Caius: The erstwhile head of The Processor's Guild. Spar had saved him from being framed for murder, and so Caius feels he owes Spar, who he knows to actually be a dwarf.

Salt: Spar's daughter. She's currently standing around with him, staring at the Dagger of Betrayal, wanting to run like hell.

Aelinus and Agrippa: A pair of assassins from The Unemployed, a group of magical assassins that's not supposed to be exist, hence the sarcastic slang term "unemployed". Last we'd heard from them they had just been released on bail after they had tried to frame Caius for murder. Tara had put a stop to that.

Tara: Spar's human lover. She has a plan to help the dwarves rise up out of their dire straits, but it's insulting to the dwarves. Spar's ashamed of her.

Lucius: A human drinking buddy of Spar's who has helped him with a few of his cases before.

Arianna: A girl kidnapped by The Unemployed as a child, away from her true love Severus.

As Salt declared her intention to run they both heard screaming and a crash. Spar looked out the window; two freakishly huge plants with teeth and human eyes had smashed through a building and were attacking dwarves in their slum! The one had Agrippa's voice, the other Aelinus'; their screams were heard by all. From the hole that the plants had busted through Spar saw Arianna sneak out and away, running down the street. Spar ran off the other way, saying he would get The Processors involved. Salt balked; the dwarves could take care of themselves and Spar had sworn an oath to Onyx, Salt's mother, that he would always make sure the strength of the dwarves was felt. Going for help would break Spar's oath. Spar rejoined that the dwarves had no experience with huge talking plants and The Processors were the only mages who were allowed to set anything on fire! Salt protested, calling him an Oathbreaker, but in the end Spar was able to get away.

Spar saw Chloe, a prominent Processor, standing in the street, watching the unfolding carnage in horror. He talked to her, asking if she knew anyone important in The Processor's infrastructure, hinting that he knew Caius and that Caius would want to know about what was going on. Chloe agreed and said she had an idea of where Caius would be at that moment. They ran uptown, to a warehouse with The Processor's coat of arms on it.

The door slammed shut behind Spar and six crossbows were brought to bear on him. Tara came out from a balcony above Spar and gloated at capturing him. She explained that The Kami Guardians were going to take over The Processor's business, and that the plants had been fabricated to resemble Processor casting, with all the appropriate paperwork forged. With this very public debacle of illegal genetic tampering The Processors would be finished. As Spar goaded Tara into gloating he edged toward a window. He made a break for it, ducking under whistling crossbow quarrels. Out the window he went and hit ground, running. Spar ran into the crowded human streets, trying to use the crowds as cover. But Tara and her entourage followed, shouting into the crowd  that a dangerous dwarf, who was responsible for the trouble going on in the slums, was amongst the crowd. All eyes landed on Spar, who took out his Leviathan knife and laughed evilly, trying to scatter the crowd through sheer terror.

Spar was dog-piled; the Dagger of Betrayal was knocked from his grasp. Spar tried ducking through the crowd to a weak point in the mob, but it was no use; he was beaten down. The mob picked him up and surged toward the town square, where the gibbet stood. As the rope was tied around his neck Spar called out that he was being set up, that he was innocent. His plea fell on deaf and terrified ears.

Spar's neck did not break when they dropped him. Swinging in the air and gagging he began to black out. Flames parted the mob; Caius had found him. Caius cut Spar down, asking what had happened. With what voice he had left Spar tried to tell Caius that The Processors had been set up. Caius couldn't make it out, however. The police arrived, looking for Caius, whose name was all over the paperwork authorizing the misshapen plants' creation. Caius was taken away in shame.

Spar wandered back toward the slums The two plants were dead, surrounded by Kami Guardian mages. Dead dwarves were strewn about the streets. Salt sat nearby, with a wounded leg. Spar told her it was all a set up; The Kami Guardians had played a perfect coup. Salt coldly asked if his human lover Tara, who had just introduced herself to Salt, was involved. Spar said it was. Salt told Spar that Onyx would have been deeply ashamed of him, and that she was as well. In a loud voice Salt called her father an Oathbreaker for trying to rely upon humans in a situation where the dwarves could have prevailed on their own strength, not to mention sleeping with a human! She told Spar to get lost.

With nowhere else to go Spar hobbled over to find Lucius, who was at a local bar. Lucius realized Spar was the dwarf who was almost lynched earlier that day... Lucius realized that Spar was a dwarf.  Spar begged for a place to stay and Lucius, confused, agreed. They found a doctro to see about Spar's neck, throat, and head injuries. It costed Spar more money than he thought he had. It mattered little: the scars on Spar's face would never fully heal.

Starfinder: A Horrific Introduction

I've always loved Megalodon Sharks.

Sit down. This is going somewhere.

Like I said, I love Megalodon sharks! So, finally conquering my inner voice of self-loathing, I read The Meg, and found that I was pleasantly surprised. It was very enjoyable trash! Not high art by any means, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't giggling like a little kid throughout most of it, even the incredibly stupid opening of a Megaladon eating a T-Rex. Impossible? Yes. Awesome? Absolutely. And the rest of the book did not disappoint.

A few months later I decided that I wanted to read The Trench, the second book in the series (there's six of these glorious books), which promised to be an even bigger, trashier, awesomer experience! Just thinking about it get me really exited. So I went to the library with my family and looked for it.

Empty. They didn't have it!

The library had books one and three through six of The Meg series, but book two? No, of course not.  I was told by my friendly librarian  that there was a surplus of cash. So I decided I would ask for the library to order the book! That made me really excited, cause I really wanted to read The Trench. But, I won't lie, I was a bit bitter. I wanted the book now. So, in a rather strangely sarcastic move, I ordered the Starfinder RPG as soon as I was done ordering The Trench. I'd been interested in reading the game for awhile, but hadn't been willing to spend money on a 3.5 clone. I mean, I figured as long as I was ordering the book I actually wanted, but if these jokers had a surplus of cash I figured I'd at least try to get Starfinder. I mean, why on earth would they even order it?? It's a 45 buck book on Amazon. I wasn't seriously invested in Starfinder, but I figured why not? It would be a fun read. I figured I'd get The Trench first.

I figured wrong.

Shrugging at the mysterious ways of the universe, I opened up the book and sat down to Chapter One. And it is a mess! An incredibly awful mess! I've not raged at a Chapter One like this... well... ever, really. I had to teach myself how to GM, nevermind learn the game. The original 3E Dungeons and Dragons books had their flaws, but clarity was not a problem, by and large. I could and did use them frequently. And that actually included Chapter One! I was looking up modifiers and how stats worked. I didn't look it up terribly often, but I still was able to get info from the first chapter whenever I needed it.

So what makes Starfinder's opening chapter so terrible? A confusion about what the heck to put there in the first place. You start with the usual spiel about a roleplaying game, which was nicely written... and then there's a Glossary. Written in the most text-bookish way possible. It was drier and more boring than Liam Neeson's reading of The Polar Express.

I tried to skip the chapter. That was a mistake. Turns out the core mechanic for the entire game is hidden after the Glossary, and is never explicitly referred to. It's hidden under the "Roleplay" section. Not "This is What You Do" (as a new player I'd really have liked that) or "When in Doubt" (cause I was!), or even "The Rule to Rule All Others" (I think that one's the best). Nothing, and I mean nothing, indicates that you should care about reading this part of the chapter, especially after that awful Glossary. The first chapter is labeled Overview, but the central mechanic to the game is hidden in the text! Yes, there is an example of play, which is relatively well written. If it had been put into any other chapter it would have been fine, but any good play example needs a good setup in for it to show an example of in the first place.

Now, some of vets may be saying "Yeah,  but most people don't learn role-playing games from a book, they learn from someone else". But with text like that it's no wonder, how on earth could any new player read this thing? It's not a question of pandering or whatnot, but being cognizant that anyone should be able to pick up the tome and play it without someone else there to help him. Would the fact that it was a heavy tome have driven some off? Yeah, probably, but that's not the point. If we want new folks in the hobby we have to make our major-tier rulebooks not read this badly.

And what's weirder? The rest of the book reads perfectly fine, great even! The examples after chapter one are clear and concise and not intimidating in the least, or so I think. The rest of the book is laid out competently enough, and one can figure out how to play from the rest of the book. But they shouldn't have to figure it out. It could have been spelled out. It wasn't.

The entirety of this chapter has me baffled. I've never read an opening chapter to an an RPG that was even half as bad this... whatever this is... I'm still not sure why they decided to put a glossary before you even get to page ten. Actually, I'm not sure why they even bothered to have this chapter at all, given how poorly written and edited it is. It is a bad day when The Meg has clearer and more technical writing than any RPG book. Yeesh. Be embarrassed, folks. Other designers, take notes: do not write an opening chapter like this one. Garbage.

Sabina's Castle: Session Five

Spar was sitting in the castle town's tavern, listening to gossip, when a dwarf sat down next to him and greeted him as a fellow dwarf. Spar tried to walk away, but sat back down when the dwarf threatened to tell Caius that he really  couldn't listen to stones, like he claimed. The dwarf claimed to represented someone who had determined that the dwarven furnishings in Argentum Prime were neglected by the humans.  He offered Spar enormous riches to undermine the humans. The offer was rejected; Spar didn't need a bribe to screw over humans.

Spar left the mysterious dwarf at the bar. When he returned to his room Spar found a junky wooden box. He broke it open to reveal a dwarven black marble, hewn deep below the surface, where the sun never goes. On the outside were dwarven runes, but Spar was illiterate. But even illiterate dwarves know the rune for Leviathan, the horrific monster that none had ever seen but was the terror of the dwarves, who had encountered its horrific cults and minions over the millennia; Spar dropped the box in fear. After a moment he opened the box and it slid open smoothly. Inside was an intricately cruel dagger, The Dagger of Betrayal, which was always put in the back of every tragic dwarven hero in ever dwarven tragedy, down the last detail. The crafting was subtle and carved, unlike the more geometric dwarven carving. Alongside it was a a note, of which Spar could only make out "Thank you."

Tara knocked on the door and Spar hid the box and knife behind his nog keg, and let her in. Tara was bubbling, she had just gotten back from talking to the dwarven Patriarch Diamond-Face!.. who hadn't let on a single facial expression, never mind talked to her. Spar knew that her ideas would be ignored, but he decided not to tell Tara that. The night progressed as normal.

In the morning Spar went to see Salt, who could read. Herminus stopped him and asked for advice rather pitifully. Spar sighed and asked how he could help. Herminus confessed that he was madly in love with Octavia, the pregnant lover of of Severus, the studly cook!  Herminus had left her a note. Spar told Herminus that he would have to get back with him later that evening, and Herminus wandered away anxiously.

It was a cripplingly hot and humid day, but Spar managed to make it to Salt's apartment, box hidden on him. Salt was in her room, trying to deal with the heat as best as she could. She was upset that the Kami Guardians' deal was to be rejected. An argument arose between Spar and Salt. Salt argued that the Processors, who were currently employing the dwarves, didn't deserve dwarven trust.  Spar told her that the Processors were in his debt and he could use them. Salt suggested turning the Processors and Kami Guardians against each other by beginning a bidding war for dwarven services. Spar then tells her about the box. She freaked out at the merest peak at it. The note was no better:

Dear Spar,

Congratulations on attracting the attention of the Cult of the Leviathan! Thank you for advancing the cause of dwarven-kind. There is more to be done, however. At your earliest convenience please stab this into the back of Caius. The dagger will take care of the rest.

Salt, terrified, demanded they run. Spar told her that there was someone else he knew about who could "use" the dagger.

The Giggling Dark: Session Thirteen

Sir Xellous: The main character, played by Ryan, who is the fourteen year old protagonist. Known as The Hero of Khouria, Xellous has crafted his own pair of Behemoth Gauntlets and Pyra, a bow that can destroy practically anything. He just got King Varlur out of a funk just in time for a coup!

King Varlur: The King of the Kingdom of Tala. His wife, Queen Veldora, had drowned their child, Prince Kallus. King Varlur had shut himself into a high tower, refusing to come out of the last few months, throwing the realm into chaos. He's out now, and facing down a coup from Lord Mayor Reven.

Lord Mayor Reven: The man in charge of the city of Broadnough. After months of King Varlur ignoring the governance of the realm the Lord Mayor decided enough was enough.

Telos: A hero from another place, another time. He was badly wounded in the battle with the Behemoth of the Apocalypse and is trying get back into the action a little soon.

The gates to the keep were thrown open and a parade came through, Lord Mayor Reven at the front. As Lord Mayor Reven paraded up the stairs Telos showed up, asking what he could do to help. Telos winced, and Sir Xellous saw how red Telos' bandages were. King Varlur tried to dissuade Telos, but finally left it to Sir Xellous, who managed to persuade Telos to lie down before he really hurt himself. Disappointed, Telos went back to the infirmary.

Lord Mayor Reven was startled to see King Varlur, but then he laughed. He mocked King Varlur, asking if he was done being alone with his feelings over the Queen being a traitor to the nation.  Sir Xellous immediately got in Lord Mayor Reven's face, demanding that he show respect to the king. The Lord Mayor laughed: what use was a king if he abandoned his people when something went wrong?

Two knights walked up from behind Lord Mayor Reven to get Sir Xellous out of the way. Sir Xellous forced his aura upon one of the two knights, who passed out onto his friend. The conscious knight realized it was something that Sir Xellous had done and freaked out, backing up and away from Sir Xellous. Lord Mayor Reven, startled, asked who the hell Sir Xellous was. Sir Xellous told him that he was the Hero of Khouria, which the Lord Mayor denied as even being a real event. That amused Sir Xellous quite a bit!

Lord Mayor Reven got quite angry at Sir Xellous' laughing, and he stepped forward to hit Sir Xellous himself, so Sir Xellous did a quick aura scan on both the Lord Mayor and his entire retinue. Lord Mayor Reven and his retinue's auras were all showing slight signs of tampering; a familiar red tinge was on all of them. So Sir Xellous forced the tampering off of Lord Mayor Reven, causing him to fall to his knees. The Lord Mayor asked what Sir Xellous had done to him; Sir Xellous told him that he and his retinue had been controlled by the Khen-Zai, who Sir Xellous had dealt with at Khouria. The Lord Mayor's actions were not his own. But that didn't stop the rest of the controlled mob, so Sir Xellous pulled out Pyra and fired a warning shot at them. Flagstones were destroyed and flew into the mob and they jumped back. The King's retinue surged forward and the mob surrendered on the spot.

No lives were lost.

Sir Xellous pushed the Khen-Zai away from all the affected people, one by one. After he was finished he heard a scream, familiar and foreboding. Everything went black.

This session netted Ryan a Deed's Point.

The War: Sessions Zero and One

Session Zero

Bleak Spirit advises that you get as specific as you need to when creating the world, because, once the gameplay starts, players cannot discuss the setting anymore. So Kyle and I decided to make setting building for this game its own session. And, while we didn't get into too much detail, we did set up a solid framework to run the first session on.

The setting revolves around the conflict between the God of Light, Ahura Mazda, and the God of Dark, Ahriman. Their conflict was so destructive that the world sealed itself away from them as much as they could, offering sacrifice to the two gods so that they would stay away just far enough so that the world could continue on. The sacrifices were conducted at The Castle of Twilight, a two-keep castle situated over Twilight Gorge, a bottomless window into the abyss, where you could see Ahura Mazda and Ahriman fight. Straddling this abyss is The Bridge of Vigilance, where the sacrifices were cast in to drive away the conflicting gods.

The main character, we decided would be an armored man called Orpheus, with cut vocal cords. He wielded an ornamental sword with a blue stone in the pommel. The blue stone allowed Orpheus to sing spell songs, of undetermined power and scope. The sapphire, when activated, covered the affected area in a strong blue light.

Session One

The Twilight Gorge had a bottom, contrary to popular myth, a swamp that goes on and on and on. But somewhere in this morass is an awful and nasty hole, which leads to the World of Night. It stands unguarded. No one goes in, and no one goes out; who would want to enter and who could leave? And, for untold aeons, no one did. Until one day, when Orpheus crawled out, into the Twilight Gorge Swamp. Lumbering through the swamp in his heavy armor, Orpheus heard a hissing behind him, calling out to him by name.

"Orpheuuuuuuuuussssssssss...... Ooooooooooooooooorpheusssssssssssssssssssssss...."

Orpheus ignored the call, and climbed up the cliff, onto the The Bridge of Vigilance. At the top of the bridge stood a figure in full armor, identical to what Orpheus was wearing. Staring at him for a moment Orpheus sang a song that required all that heard it to give him their true name. Nothing happened. A song of abjuring all Nameless things followed. Orpheus doubled over in pain, and the armored figure collapsed.  After a moment of rest Orpheus entered the Keep of Darkness, pain slowly fading. 

The gate doors swung wide onto a scene of absolute carnage. Desiccated corpses of drakes lay upon desiccated corpses of drakes. Draconic heads on plaques adorned the walls of the courtyard. There was one blank plaque on the wall, with an inscription: Arthkurn the Relentless. Orpheus looked at the main entrance to the keep, alone in his thoughts. He looked to his left and saw the stairs to the nearby tower. He took the stairs.

All of a sudden Orpheus was pushing his way through the keep gates again. The corpses were on fire, and the the plaques were all empty, except for the bleached skull on the wall; it was Arthkurn the Relentless's skull. Orpheus came to, slumped against the wall, next to the stairway. He got up and trudged up the stairs.

As he climbed Orpheus saw winged monstrosities, in the form of twisted dragons, wheeling about above him. The song that followed set these aberrations on fire and brought one of them crashing into the stairwell in front of Orpheus. The stairs began to slowly retract into the wall. Orpheus tried to freeze the flaming form, but nothing happened. He tried to superheat the flaming form with a Song of Light, but the song wouldn't come to him, dying on his lips. Finally a song of heaving cut through the blue light. The burning corpse flung Orpheus over him, into the tower, as the stairs finally retracted into the wall.

As Orpheus got to the top of the tower he looked out at the world around him; the world was one vast, grey fog. There was nothing beyond The Castle of Twilight, nothing at all. Orpheus was not surprised at this and barely paid it any heed. There was a slot in the wall. Orpheus put his sword in the slot. The whole castle shook as the stairs in the walls began to slide back out; Orpheus's sword was being sucked into the slot. Orpheus just barely managed to retrieve his sword, and the stairs slid back into the wall. 

Orpheus looked around. The Keep of Darkness had a few holes in the roof, and Orpheus looked through, into the darkness. In the back of the Keep of Darkness Orpheus saw a desiccated corpse of an enormous dragon, staked down. To the right of the Keep was a small courtyard with a shining fountain.  Orpheus lay down and crafted a song of longing, of loneliness. Something cold and long dead appeared, in Orpheus' peripheral vision. Orpheus did not look at it. A few seconds later he heard the SNAP of the slot taking a sword, and the stairs slid back out. Orpheus got back out; he was alone. He walked back down the stairs the way he came. 

The courtyard was completely clear of everything as Orpheus came back down the stairs. The perpetual twilight of the the world had become a hot and humid high noon. A purple light was shining through the gates that led back to the Bridge of Vigilance. Orpheus looked between that gate and the doors that led into the Keep. In his mind Orpheus made up his mind: he had to stop his past self, he needed to! He threw the gates back open, rust flying off of the hinges and, bathed in that purple light, Orpheus strode out to meet himself, swearing an oath through a now-intact throat that he would would stop himself before it was too late.

Orpheus saw himself on the bridge. There was still a world at this point. He called out to himself, begging him to stop it. The war needed to go on, the world needed to continue, it wasn't too late to stop what he was up to! His past self replied that  it was too late. Orpheus commanded himself to give up the gems, which his past self found confusing. Orpheus wrenched his foe's hands open: there was a blue gem and a red gem. Orpheus told him it could stop. His past self responded back that he would never stop. Orpheus drew his ceremonial blade and cut his foe's throat. Both of them fell back as a huge cut appeared on their throats. His foe grabbed Orpheus and pitched them over the side, into the roiling chaos that was the battle of Ahura Mazda and Ahriman. As they fell Orpheus sang one last song: he broke the red and blue gem his foe wielded, and protected his enemy's fall. The swamp snapped into existence suddenly. Orpheus's  neck broke in the fall. His foe crawled away as the valley coalesced into the swamp. 

Up above the grey fog broke and the world came back into existence, and the swamp broke open, welcoming the return of the slumbering Ahura Mazda and Ahriman. Far away, in the Keep of Darkness, the lone dracolich Arthkurn broke free from his constraints and flew away into the newly renewed world.

Hot and Cold: 1.1

Page 1

Panel 1: There's a tiny town called Taos, New Mexico, and there's a small restaurant called the Taos Diner. Bruce Banner walks into this diner, in brand new clothes and a backpack.

Panel 2: As Bruce walks in everyone looks up, suspicious of the newcomer. A waitress walks up to him and Bruce smiles disarmingly at her.

BRUCE

Good afternoon!

WAITRESS

Well hi! You're new.

Panel 3: They continue chatting.

BRUCE

Yeah, walked on in.

WAITRESS

From- from where?

BRUCE

Oh, I hitchhiked and walked the rest of the way.

WAITRESS

Welcome to Taos then!

Panel 4: Banner looks puzzled. The waitress laughs

BANNER

Wait, what was the name again? I missed it, sorry.

WAITRESS

Taos, New Mexico. I'm Cindy.

BANNER

Thank you, sorry about that! I've never heard of the place.

CINDY

Oh, we get that a lot.

Page 2

Panel 1: Bruce got a window view, and watched as two people rode into the parking lot on motorcycles: a blonde haired man with a creepy grin, and a grim black haired man.

Panel 2: They enter the diner, and everyone goes quiet, uneasy.

Panel 3: Cindy walks up to the pair, uncomfortable.

CINDY

Can I-

BLONDE

Victor, please.

Panel 4: There's a silence, where everyone stares at them, angry. Victor smiles back at them, predatorily.

Page 3

Panel 1: An older gentleman walks over to Victor and "Blackie"

OLD MAN

We don't take kindly to things like you.

"BLACKIE"

What the fuck is that supposed to mean??

OLD MAN

Freaks. Losers. Probably muties.

Panel 2: Three metal claws pop out of Blackie's hand and he cuts off the Old Man's head.

BLACKIE

Well, you ain't wrong.

Panel 3: Guns are drawn by the locals, who quickly find cover and get ready to fire. Victor laughs and Blackie growls.

Page 4

Panel 1: Banner steps forward, towards Victor and Blackie.

BANNER

Hey, c'mon, let's not lose anymore heads.

Panel 2: Victor slashes at Banner

VICTOR

Won't be ours!

Page 5

Splash page, Banner hulks out!

BANNER

I BEG TO DIFFER!

Page 6

Panel 1: Hulk lunges at Victor, who dodges nimbly aside.

Panel 2: Blackie jumps in and takes a swing at Hulk, cutting out some flesh. Hulk tanks the hit and knocks out Blackie.

Panel 3: Victor jumps at Hulk and both try to exchange blows. Both whiff.

Page 7

Panel 1: Victor jumps backward, grabs Blackie, and drags him away. Hulk leaps out of the restaurant, scattering the ceiling, and knocks out Victor. Inset panel of  Blackie waking up.

Panel 2: Blackie grabs Victor, slings him onto the bike and drives like mad. Hulk jumps onto the bike, knocks out Blackie, and kills Victor through the sheer shock of the landing.

Panel 3: Gunshots reflect off of Hulk's skin from behind. The townsfolk have regained their nerve.

Panel 4: Hulk grabs Blackie and smashes him into the ground until his internal organs are jelly.

Page 8

Panel 1: With bullets still ricocheting off of him, Hulk picks up Blackie's body, and throws it in front of the puny humans. The cops are running up.

Panel 2: Hulk gestures at the body. The bullets don't stop.

Panel 3: Cindy runs out of the remains of the diner with a Colt Magnum and tries to blow Hulk's brains out.

CINDY

Get away, you abomination!

Page 9

Splash page. Hulk jumps four miles in a single bound, away from the wrecked diner, along with the dead bodies of Wolverine and Sabretooth. He left his backpack, extra clothes, and wallet.