A Moment of Unbridled Confusion

Y’know what the western canon is filled with? Flawed people making really flawed but important decisions, and everyone else having to figure out the consequences. I just summed up Gilgamesh, The Iliad, and the Odyssey, not to mention the Aeneid and pretty much any Hellenic myth. I've found that this dedication to exploring consequences, to the fullest tragic extent, is exactly what I'm interested in. What do you do during the inevitable collapse? What do you try to do to make the most out of the situation? And that's why I made Crescendo. I've gotten tired of playing RPGs where that isn't the inevitable question: it's collapsing, now what? I wanted a game that made stories which continued the pre-modern paradigm. The last two years have been a steady sharpening and forging of a game to produce exactly this kind of story. During this point in time I've enjoyed ad hoc stories of incredible pathos and tragedy, with plenty of consequences and dedication to dealing with said consequences.

Did I mention that I've been having a hard time watching pretty much any TV shows and movies lately? And the one movie that I watched recently that I actively rewatched, The Glass Onion, I walked away deeply disturbed and found myself appreciating that I was deeply disturbed by the movie? I wasn't disturbed because I disagreed with the movie, but because it had shown me something I think actually valuable. More on that in a future post. But know it's coming.

The point is that is that aesthetics follow belief, and all of a sudden I hit a point where my beliefs have fully formed my aesthetics, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. 

No, that does not make me feel superior.

I feel rather confused. When the hell did this happen?

Like, I get what I wrote out earlier, but what the heck?

I sure didn't ask for this.

I didn't ask for people to tell me about music and TV and movies and go "Yeah, that just sounds boring". I'm not even sure what exactly is happening, honestly. A few years ago when I said "Hey, I don't think the way I see the world is really helping my situation" I did not mean to also say "Hey, I'd like my aesthetical tastes to change". But it really is the same thing, isn't it?

I'm not even sure the point of this post. The changes keep coming and I've no idea where any of this is going.

There.