The Warning: Error

So, fair warning: this post gets pretty dark and personal and sometimes oddly political. Not like "Screw the conservatives I'm a liberal" but "Gah this whole thing is dumb". I comment on history and more than a few other events that are outright disturbing. If that's not your cup of tea no harm, no foul, but you are warned.

Yes, that's a joke and yes I find it clever. Tough.

2020 rocked most of us. It got me into a quiet and dark room, checking emails and taking calls that no one else would. I am so extroverted that being alone is physically painful. And, in order to make sure my kids have free reign at the house, I'd deliberately put myself into a situation where being alone would be a daily thing, eight hours a day. I was also still having flashbacks on the regular, which made the additional stresses just that much harder. It was during this time I discovered Gene Wolfe and The Warning. It's not often you find such direct avenues of grieving, which is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Turns out they were both instrumental in helping me do so. Wolfe’s Solar Cycle and The Warning’s two albums were pretty constant companions to me from then out. 

So to say I was interested in The Warning’s third album would be a bit of an understatement. There's a lot of depth in their songs and their writing, and I was excited to see how the third album would evolve.

... and then the Mayday EP dropped. 

It felt weird, listening to one half of the album. I loved the songs on the album! The Ladies Three had gained an appropriate amount of depth from Queen of the Murder Scene, and that was nice but... I 'm one of those people who is learning to not judge something until the full product is out. And I know the Mayday EP is technically a complete product but the knowledge those songs were going to be part of a larger picture... I couldn't quite do it. I wanted to know the full thing. So this has been such a surreal feeling. I’ve listened to about half of these songs for about a year… and then the second half dropped. And I realized what The Ladies Three had done: cut up their own album and made a completely different statement. I don’t begrudge them that process, but I do have to admire the end results. The same songs in the Mayday EP manages to feel completely different than how they feel in their album, Error.

And I do mean completely different.

And Error is all the better for it.

So it's a "random noise" intro... with a strong amount of tone. It's the beginning of the rabbit hole to nowhere, to the things that cannot be found. The name itself hints at what the "random intro noise" thing is actually doing.... getting us into a particular mood and dropping us into nowhere.

The thing that I've found, in my last few years on the internet and real life, there are always these spots where no one I know goes... but there's life there. A full ecosystem. This song makes me think of the canals running through Oklahoma City, and the random life you'll find if you look down there at just the right time. Or the random entrances to places you can find, if you just go far enough.

The other night I was walking around, and found a gap in a fence behind my Walmart. I didn't take it because I'm not stupid, but I followed the fence to see where it went. It was utterly and eerily silent. I couldn't hear anyone or anything, at all, despite there being a mall right acrost the canal and the Walmart parking lot being packed. I got this feeling that I was truly alone, truly in a new place... and then I looked down, into the canal, and realized that, if I wanted to brave breaking the law, I could have gone down into the canal system and found a completely different way of experiencing the city I've lived in for the last few years.

If not for my wife and children I would have gone down. I don't know if I ever would have looked back.

Because in such places are the portals to Faerie and all things we count as strange. And yet they exist, right next to us.

And yes, sometimes my curiosity almost gets the better of me.

I've a very pointed critique of Marxism and socialism... mostly that it's a sucker's bet. One group of oligarchs leveraging the common people against the other, with talks of revolution and justice and a utopia. And it always ends the same way: tyranny, bloodshed, and bodies behind the shed and everywhere the common folk deign not to look. Having read a bit of the turn of the 20th century Socialists I find it eerie how close these lyrics mirror not just them, but the incredibly violent Anarchists who the Socialists replaced.

The fact that the song is a duet between someone trying to recruit someone else with this rhetoric... I find that weird. Not bad, mind you. The Warning is no stranger to straightforwardly presenting weird and creepy things without anything more than  a desire to sympathize. But, given that the first song of the album pretty much "introduction to being lost"...

And to be fair, that's exactly what happened with the Anarchist/Socialist "revolution" of the early 20th century: there was a growing realization that a change in the system for the better wasn't just impossible, but that any attempts to change it only further compromised them and made the situation more difficult to get out of. Until World War I there was a growing realization that all they had fought for had been corrupted.

And then tens of millions of  people died.

I told you this wasn't going to be a happy post.

And y'know what? Let's stick with the WWI shtick for now. Because that's clearly going to make people happy. Post WW's I and II European art went abstract and absurd, going into realms hitherto unknown to deal with the grief of losing so many people. Bodies became objects that just shattered into the weirdest of shapes (a trend that began barely a decade before WWI), with plays like Waiting for Godot clearly about the disassociation of extreme grief becoming the standard of modern drama.

Again,  I highly doubt that's what The Ladies Three had in mind, unless the ladies are seriously well read or know enough art history.

But, for me personally, this song has a large amount of significance. During the.... "evacuation"... of Afghanistan, I had to take calls from people trying to get Afghanis out of the country. The call referenced in that post was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And it was a Friday, the heaviest day of the week, where the people calling to shout because general so and so wanted his phone now, thank you! And I'd just had a call, where I knew my helplessness had killed people. 

In between each call I listened to Choke, focusing my pain and anger into a singular hot point, which I used to push through the rest of the day. At one point I reached out to The Warning via PM:

That's within twenty minutes. I mean, what else was going to be said to me? There's no way to fix the freaking problem. But twenty minutes is...

Let's just say that gave me strength to keep going. 

Don't think that was the only call I took about Afghanistan that day, and don't think it was the only time I couldn't help, with disastrous results being likely. 

I would wake up in the middle of the night for weeks and months afterwards, wondering what had happened to the families that I had been unable to help, hoping they were alright, hoping they had somehow made it out and weren't dead or worse. There was a lot of rage burning deep in me at the injustice of it all, of the callousness of people who said "Not my country not my problem". Of the administration that dropped these people who we had upended and then abandoned after twenty years.

But in the middle of it that message from (what was most likely) Dany still burned, right along with the anger. Someone had heard, in the thick of it. And there wasn't much she could do, but she was certainly more helpful than most of the people I met that day. It put me in a place where my wife and father could comfort me, because I was not in a mood to be comforted, at all, before that point.

So yeah. Choke means something very special to me. 

It always will.

This is another song that really came through for me at the time, resulting in a dream where something I didn't even realize needed to die went down in flames. Its bass line burns through my skull and sometimes gets me moving in situations where I otherwise can't. Don't take the brevity here as not loving the song. I just can't one up that linked post. Nor will I try to. I love this song.

God, every time I hear this song I just want to hand Pau The Wizard Knight by Gene Wolfe. There's just such grief in this song, and I dunno, it's one of those songs where I find myself going "Yup, you're right", and then wanting to give a hug. 

Because, honestly?

I'm not sure there's a better way to state what this song is talking about. The song is tightly coiled and feels like, if I press too hard on it, it'll rip my hand off in a moment of grief and rage. There's an inherent injustice being complained about here that I found The Wizard Knight helped me mourn and accept.

The world is unfair. We can be unfair back, in a good way. And we need to be.

Who know? Maybe one of these days I'll be able to drop that 800 page tome of a book in Pau's lap and laugh as she complains that books that size are not meant to be dropped on people. The cynic in me says that's never going to happen but I also thought I'd be dead by now and I'm not only not dead, but loved and loving those who love me. So anything is possible.

Amour... is a strange song. After the rage and cynicism of Money there's this.... yearning. It's right about here that I started to think that, while The Ladies Three weren't out to make a concept album, they did, of sorts. This need to be loved still exists in the heart of whatever person they're talking about, and they know a vital truth about love: you do indeed bleed for those you love, and sometimes you do cause them to bleed, because there is literally no other way to help. Love is, indeed, the trenches, where life and death of soul is always on the line, where the difference between soul torture and soul surgery becomes academic. The song is dark, but I find it to be true in a way that most would flinch at,  because nobody wants to think of their lover as a surgeon.

And yes there's sometimes you'll hate the lover's guts for not backing down. Because God, wouldn't it be nice to be left in your own little hell?

But you could flip the song, couldn't you? You could take the context of the previous songs about corporatism and rage and make it truly cynical, to a degree to where the emotion of the song is a front, a pull down the rabbit hole with a counterfeit love, a counterfeit suffering. Given the way they've done the song and where they placed it you could argue for either.

I mean, I think that's masterful.

But who knows? Someone could read this and go "Well first of all you shouldn't be torturing people you love" and then I'd be facepalming so hard that I'm sure the sound could be heard around the world.

It's freaking Evolve, people. This song rocks. But it now comes after a song asking if you're willing to really go through hell for someone.. and put them through hell sometimes. So that's a bit of a switch up from the EP. And y'know what? I really like the contextual change. I already loved the song, and found that this change in the placement gave it an interesting tinge to it.

If this song isn't about social media I have no ability to read any subtext at all, and I hardly think that controversial a statement. And yes, social media is deliberately addictive and all that.

But here's the thing: when I first heard the preview of the song, I thought of the Shadow, that Jungian idea that the parts of you that you don't acknowledge will find a way out, they will get at you, they will  be heard. And that bit about the "error inside", has been a constant living and breathing reality right down at my very core, for the last six years especially. Creepy subtext of the rest of the song aside... yeah I really had to think about it awhile.

Okay, Z is one of my favorite songs. That bass line just gets jammed in my head and I sing it ALL the time. All my kids know it. Even my wife, who doesn’t listen to The Warning, knows the bass line.

So, y’know, whatever you make of that.

Folks, this may be the darkest commentary in the entirety of the post. If you skip it I won't blame you. 

I felt... things... listening to this song. And none of them were comfortable, and none of them are probably what most people feel listening to it.  And it's hopefully not what they meant by writing it.

I remember Audrey, the woman who raped me when I was six. I remember her smile, her laugh, how beautiful she was. The curve of her hip in her jeans. I remember playing knights and dragons. I remember sitting in a shed months after she had done what she did, hating every last person on the planet and wishing it would all burn down and that I would get to watch, at six. I remember holding her as she sobbed about what she did... and did nothing to change it. I remember the promise I made that day, that nobody, nobody, that I could help would be ignored like I was.

Fucking. Nobody.

And then it gets hard to see the screen as I type, because of the flood in front of my eyes. And then I have to come back a few minutes later because it took me five times to type that fucking word "because" correctly.

Because, whether Audrey likes it or not, I'm not going to Hell for hating her. I know I will if I do so, and I refuse to pay for her mistake in any capacity. She raped me, she forged this connection to me. I can't kill the connection without me dying too, so if I have to drag her screaming ass into Heaven with me so fucking be it. I will always love her, always. I can't not. So. Fucking. Be it. I love her. If she is going into Heaven with me because of what she did so be it. 

But I ain't going to Hell for her.

Period.

I really, really, really hope that even a thousandth of that emotion is not what prompted the creation of this beautifully heartbroken song. I really hope so. I bear what I have because I must. It is love, no matter the consequence, or die. That's it. That's what I got.

If that was the case in any way shape or form for anyone, nevermind these three ladies, that would be tragic.

If it is, I heard you. I hear you.

But dear God I hope I'm wrong.

I'll admit it: I don't like how the song starts. It just feels... off. The transition from... okay maybe I've got a particularly intense reaction to 23, so maybe nothing following that is going to be welcomed immediately? That's probably it, but MAN that's not a fun jump for me!

Fortunately this song has one of the best transitions in the entirety of the album, if not the best. They take the notion of the modern cult that you can find very easily (hint: it's called twitter.com) and switch the feeling from sarcasm and anger to pure desperation. One of my favorite things about The Warning's lyrics are their absolute dedication to remaining in character. It's why I love the song Stalker so much: the empathy of that song is resoundingly powerful.

And it's on full display here. Masterfully. This ending section.... just damnit it's so good.

So we're back to something a bit darker... actually the rest of the post is going just stays there. Oh well.

I know there are many fans who have talked about how this song makes them cry. It seems to be an even split between 23, Amour, and Revenant. Revenant does not make me cry.

Instead I just feel numb. 

As if I just stood on something I'd not used for a very long time, and I really want to sit back down. And get off it. Whatever it is. That is not a comfortable feeling. Cause that usually means there's something way down there, waiting, lurking for the moment to drop... whatever it's hiding.

I know at the end of the day I'll handle it, but that doesn't mean I have to like knowing there's something waiting.

So I don't speak Spanish. I went and pinged The Warning's Patreon Discord for some help on... tone. Cause I wasn't quite sure what they were saying, given that martyr can mean any number of things. Turns out that the word martyrdom is being used in the same sense English speaking folks mean when they say "playing the victim".

Man, I'm glad I asked, because that was tripping me up.

So I went and found a fan translation and corrected it to where it's not literal. That seems to be closer to what they're saying.

Sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest to see 

You suffocated yourself with your own hands 

When everything indicates that someone’s is finally coming to save you 

You find yourself abandoned again 

Drown in your victimhood 

It’s your destiny, hand yourself over 

You try to find an explanation in the depth of your being 

And you fall again into the void 

Finally you secretly realise the pain will stay 

It’s your new life of martyrdom 

And there’s no going back, you can’t escape the fire that’s at your feet

And in the darkness you’ll get lost 

Drown in your victimhood 

It’s your destiny, hand yourself over 

Sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest to see 

Drown in your victimhood 

It’s your destiny, hand yourself over 

Learn from those who are real martyrs

If you have to live in fear 

It’s better to die in the hands of a goodbye 

To your sad life, foolish victim! Say goodbye!   

No, that's not a literal translation or whatever. But from what I can gather from folks who do know Spanish that'd be a bit better of a fit for English. I think.

*grabs soapbox*

Look, folks, there's no really nice way to say it: the world of "shoulds" is poisonous. For the past three years every single time I've ranted to my therapist or priest about something bothering in my life that damned word comes up. Or "must". Eventually I said either of those words so much my therapist started saying "That's a lot of mustabation you got going on there, you okay?"

My therapist thinks he's hilarious.

But he does have a point. Despite the humor that makes me cuss him out mid-session. Should should should should doesn't get you anywhere. Mustabation isn't healthy. Hanging onto what you think should be is gonna make you miserable. You will wind up crushing your own life and thinking yourself noble for it.

And you're not.

Sorry.

There's nothing noble about hanging onto something that clearly isn't real.

This song is one of my favorite things. I just... I vibe with this thing in a particular way. If there was any one short little thing I'd used to sum up the last six years of my life... it'd be this song. This little ditty. I keep going about my life, minding my own business, trying to just... live... and then something comes up, pulls me down, and I better figure it out before I drown. Ultimately the only thing that seems to work is to just let go of being afraid of drowning at all. Or of what happens when you do.

Because I have, several times.

And each time I come back with a slightly gentler, slightly softer, view of the world. I can't stop the inevitable within myself, nevermind with others. But yes, drowning under decades of emotions isn't pleasant. At all.

So that's my long, rambly, personal, and sometimes overly dark reaction to the album. It was a lot more than I expected. And I expected a lot from The Warning. Like, a whole hell of a lot. I'm a picky picky person about lyrics being in songs, preferring to listen to post-rock just so I don't have to shove idiotic nonsense between my ears. None of this was idiotic. It was beautiful.