More Thoughts on Dinogenics

 

1 Triceratops, 3 T-Rexes, 1 Velociraptor

What you see above is a second-place park. I'd gotten the ability to get dinosaurs more easily than my competitors.... and wasted my time getting T-Rexes. See, each unique species of dinosaur you have in your park nets you another three victory points. This subtle but powerful rule allowed my competitor to beat me by a large margin, with less resources. This allowed him to focus on his park more, creating a more balanced experience than my threadbare, if impressive, park.

Also: he was a rotten snake a bit better than me.

Each park is a story. The story of the above park isn't just a failure, but the tale of a start-up that was doomed from the start. When your competitors are making more species more quickly and cheaply than you, and you stumble acrost T-Rex DNA? You clone it. Immediately. Damn the fact that we don't have fences, it's a big island, how bad could it-

Knocked over the Triceratops fencing, you say?

The Triceratops knocked over more fencing, destroyed our state-of-the-art cloning center, and made Timmy Smith (all fatalities in my Dinogenics games are the ten year old Timmy Smith) a bloody jam on the pavement? Which the T-Rex ate with a spoon because surprise T-Rexes are surprisingly cultured?

At least it wasn't the T-Rex that killed him!

You'd think if they had the ability to clone faster than anyone else the company would scrounge up the cheapest dinos they could, right? Nope. It was all about the T-Rexes. And y'know what? It wasn't the worst strategy in the world. Combined with a few other animals they had the most entertaining animals, by the metrics. 

But the rest of the park? That was a different story. Beyond private exhibitions the park only had one hotel and a crummy T-Rex statue. Gotta keep with the theme and all! No efforts were made for improve infrastructure beyond the bare minimum, even after an unexpected infestation drove the few guests they did have off the island. But the park engineers were unfazed; they wanted more T-Rexes.

No one saw the merger coming. The buyout was too good! The other island had better infrastructure, more dinosaurs, and overall better PR. Of course the owners sold out. They didn't care about the art of it all. Philistines.

Every park tells a story. The next one will be as different as the park. 

I love that about this game.

Spider-Man 94: Season Three

Welp, folks, hopefully it doesn't get worse than this.

Sins of the Fathers, the name of this season, is flawed. It doesn't have the thematic coherence of Season Two, nor are its episodic elements nearly as well-used as Season One. While the season is supposedly about the failure of the previous generation (summed up in Norman Osborn's defeat by the Goblin), there's more than a few episodes that derail the delicate balance between plot and character. The finale, while gut-wrenching, is brought down by hamfisted exposition and left-field developments. While there are some standout episodes and arcs the quality has taken a noticeable dip. Thanks corporate! 

The first episode features Doctor Strange. MJ has been kidnapped by Baron Mordo to help Dormammu escape. It's a good team-up, with some fantastic development for Mary-Jane, whose abandonment issues get sketched out, while being integral to the plot. This was a really strong opener! I'll liked it a lot, and with Madame Web being set up I thought it a good intro to the season.

And then Make a Wish and Octobot. Holy shit. Just, holy shit this was insufferable. For those of you who don't know, one of the best Spider-Man stories of all time is "The Boy Who Read Spider-Man", about a boy named Tim who asks to see Spider-Man and hang out. Spidey shows up at his room and the two talk about a surprisingly detailed account of Spider-Man's abilities, tech, and ethos. At the very end of a charming story Tim asks to find out who Spider-Man is, under that mask.

And Spider-Man does it. 

Is it a plot? Is Spider-Man being controlled? Is Tim a spy?

No.

Tim is dying of cancer. 

Soon.

And he wanted to meet the hero who helped him hold on for so long. Peter, moved by Tim's kindness and courage in the face of impending death, simply can't deny his greatest fan.

God, it's such a beautiful story.

Yeah, they try to adapt it. And it's horrible. They tie in a crappy plot about Doctor Octopus wiping Spider-Man's memory, a Jamaican (???) taxi driver who's so insensitively done! I cringed watching this shlock as a child who had never met a Jamaican before, but could tell this was badly done, and changes Tim to an actual Mary Sue (Rey haters, please reference these episodes so you'll know what a Mary Sue actually is) whose character was nails on a chalkboard.

But don't worry, she's dying of cancer too! Gah!

You can smell corporate demanding a freaking Octobot. I wanted to throw out my phone from the fumes of sulphur and... We'll just say discharge. Yeah.

Y'know, Navy folk. No, not sailors.

Yes, I think I'm funny.

My wife laughs at me, not my jokes, can you tell?

Fortunately the introduction of the Green Goblin is next. And is it done right or what??? Man I love this episode. This show is at its best when its characters are human beings handed awful power, which magnifies their worst qualities. And we've taken some time developing Norman! He starts off as a sleezebag with genuine affection for his son, buried way deep down. Over the first two seasons Norman has wrestled with his inner monster. And he wasn't a saint or anything, but Norman was better than he'd ever been.  And then the accident happens and it's all for naught. This is easily one of my favorite single episodes of the show. My nostalgia is fully earned here.

Rocket Racer's episode is another great one-off. The debilitating moral effects of poverty are called out. If you need to steal to survive it makes you a criminal. If you're a criminal why not just be a bad guy, since the rest of the affair is stressful enough without having moral ambiguity making it complicated.  Merloo in "Rape of the Mind" not only calls societal pressures like what's going on in this episode brainwashing, but displays one of the most horrible things about societal pressures: man's sense of justice is so acute, his need for right and wrong so absolute, that continuous pressure on him eventually makes him become what others think of him, because he knows that justice is external. So, in an effort to recognize justice, he'll become what everyone is accusing him of. 

Happy thought, right?

The Daredevil, Smythe, and Tombstone episodes are just incredible. Plotting, characterization, voice acting, even the animation is really well done! While I think the Tombstone episode is the best of the bunch I'd definitely not say that makes the others worse; it's a real embarrassment of riches in these episodes. This is real quality stuff.

Which makes the Venom and Carnage episodes just that much worse.

Please keep in mind that a show as thematic as this one has to stick the landing. Thematic arcs are generally more difficult to pull off than a strictly plot-based show. You have to have a solid foundation and be willing to explore all sorts of situations... that are related to your theme. Oh, and you have to be willing to let go of ideas that are thematically sound, but don't execute too well. 

I really want to not do those freaking kid episodes again, can you tell????

The issues I have with the Venom and Carnage episodes isn't that it isn't thematically consistent with the rest of the show; nature vs nurture is on full display here. It's that the sins of Norman Osborn do actually need to be set up for later on! MJ ends her engagement with Harry in the Daredevil episodes and the show drops the plotline entirely after that. I get not dwelling on it overly, but we don't know much about Norman and what he's really like as an attentive father. We've seen his wrestlings with his darker nature, sure, between the Green Goblin episode and this one we really don't know what Norman and Harry are up to. That needed to be shown. This ain't the Skywalker Saga, where points you'd normally consider important don't need to be shown. The Skywalker Saga is an intergenerational soap opera. Its points are on a grand sweeping scale. But that's not what this show is. Harry has been basically sidelined up until this point, and as we're about to see that's going to do some significant damage to the finale.

Also, there's the fact that Mordo and Dormammu are central to the plot of Venom and Carnage's episodes. Where the hell is Doctor Strange?? Y'know, the dude who has dedicated his life to stopping Dormammu? They spent time setting him up... and then he's not there. So multiple threads are dropped and ignored to create these two episodes. Even the time dilation stuff could be introduced another way, see the Spot episode that literally comes right after this. These two episodes are unnecessary.

Unless you have to please a toy line. 

New Venom with a swappable head to Eddy Brock? Carnage??? Iron Man and War Machine? 

There were clearly dollar signs at work here, folks. And it's a damn shame. I love this take on Carnage! He's just the right type of sick and twisted fun this show needed! Eddy and Ashley are pathetic and sympathetic, even with the major ethical breaches going on. Granted, the show doesn't talk about that, but the actual dynamics between the two of them are well-handled. It's such a shame.

And then we're back to fantastic stuff again with The Spot! This is a fantastic one off that goes back to the simplicity of Season One, while setting up for the finale. Like Hydro Man, this is the definitive take on the character. In the comics he's a joke. I wouldn't say the Spot isn't a joke here, but he is treated with the sensitivity and sympathy I've come to expect from this show.

Goblin War is a fantastically frustrating episode. On the one hand you've got Hobgoblin, Felicia, and the continuation of the time dilation device plot. Which is great! I love this version of Hobgoblin! Felicia is handled so well here! It makes sense the underworld would go nuts about the time dilation device. The ending scenes of this episode are absolutely perfect. But then there's the sudden drop of the Green Goblin. And that Harry has been poisoned against MJ and Peter since the Daredevil episodes. I've already given you my thoughts on that. I am not happy with the sudden snap.

And then there's Turning Point. For every pro of this episode there's a glaring con. The characterization is fantastic. The plot is rushed. Madame Web is used so freaking well. There's way way way too much Spidey narration, which outright destroys what should have been the best single scene of the show. The ending is gut-wrenching tragedy.

It could have hit so much freaking harder.

And that's really my takeaway on this season: it could have been so much better. When this season is on, by God it's more than a step up from Season Two. But what seems like really blatant corporate meddling takes a season that should have been perfect, a defining season of Spider-Man, a triumph of adaptation... and averages out to a compelling story compromised by the need to sell toys.

And therein lies the real tragedy.

Hearts of Wulin

 

Look folks, this review is gonna be kinda weird. I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with PBTA. On the one hand, I greatly appreciate the framework that Mr. Baker set up. I heartily agree that RPGs are a conversation, with mechanics coming on specific triggers. Yup, I'm with that part. But there's a hyper-focus to PBTA that I have a hard time with. Maybe that's the vestiges of DnD still living within my soul fighting to survive or whatever, but the scope of a good PBTA game is so small it weirds me out. I like the more "old school" feel, of having discrete skills that can be used in multiple ways. By paring down the "moves" of skills into something more restricted I just feel like something is lost.

Now, to be fair, this is my second PBTA I've ever actually played, the first being Dungeon World. I've been told in no uncertain terms by PBTA apologists that the PBTA tech has evolved past that point, and has done so in earnest.

That may be true, but the hyper focus of skills into genre emulation isn't gone in this PBTA game. It's done better, yes, but my underlying issue with all PBTA remains: you're telling me how to play. Thank you kindly, but I don't want you telling me how to play. That's not your job, Designer-Person. Give me somewhat specific tools, with some guidance on how to use them, and I'll figure it out from there.

So no, I'm not quite the target audience for this game. 

But y'know what? I decided to bite on this one. Most of the important movies of my childhood and teenaged years include Chinese martial art films. I mean, Hero is as influential on me as Clannad, not to mention House of Flying Daggers. It's a genre I've not explored in a very long time, and one I could stand to look at again. That and I saw a session of it played online and was astounded at how emotionally safe everyone was during it. There was some seriously heavy stuff going down, but everyone was fine! It was awesome!

I still don't have the hardcopy in my hands, thanks to COVID. That made learning the game a bit harder; I don't absorb information from PDFs terribly well. But fortunately I had a PBTA aficionado around to help, so I was able to lean on him a bit during play. Fortunately, I found the game relatively easy to pick up. PBTA is normally pretty easy to learn, at least in my experience, and that's not different here. You just play, and the GM butts in with mechanics when necessary until you learn it. It's a pretty simple process.

And, let's be honest, the moves themselves aren't that mechanically different from most other PBTA games I've read. Granted, I want to do this genre, but that doesn't change the involuntary twitch. And, to be fair, that's my problem, not the designers. But I wound up loving this game.

It's because of the Internal Conflict move.

Basically, if you run into a spot that might create emotional distress, you roll this move. You get XP, just for having to do the move. You then have three possible outcomes, all of them various levels of bad but.... they're mostly open. You can just do what you think best within the context. This one move creates some of the most fun I've ever seen in an RPG. Your character can go crazy and you're emotionally shielded from it. If you want to have a really RP intense game, then emotional shielding like this is crucial. You have to be able to point at the mask and go "This is happening to this thing, this object, not to me"

What I love about this mechanic is that it allows you to radically shift the narrative in ways that are consistent with your character. One of the issues I've frequently run into as a GM is the wish to control the plot. I think part of my issue that I like lots of elements being introduced, just to see how the characters react. With this? I don't have to. Just ask if it's a moment of Internal Conflict. The plot practically writes itself after that. Just throw new things to drive everyone nuts, sit back, and grab the popcorn.

And that's not including the more high fantasy moves that are included in the back of the book. I really appreciated having these put in. They work more to my tastes, and I'm glad that they were included to expand the scope of the game. That's something I really like. I know I'll be using them a lot.

So you grab these very specific moves, combine it with a good and strong reaction mechanic, and you have a recipe for awesomeness. I did a Mortal Kombat-inspired game and we didn't even fight until the end. We didn't need to, I just called for Inner Conflict rolls and just saw where it went from there. And when we did fight it was really intense and cool, because we had all this interpersonal drama going on.

I really look forward to getting the book in my hands. The PDF is gorgeous and put together well. It's hard not to get inspired by the art, which is compellingly ethereal. The text is well laid out and clear. My lack of ability to read the text is my own hang up; this is really well done stuff. If you can read PDFs and get something out of them I think you'd have an easy time for it. 

Despite my own prejudices this is easily one of my favorite games. The mechanics are extremely well oriented, with a good reaction mechanic to help redirect the narrative. There's actually some good variety, a bit of a wider scope allowed. The drama these mechanics elicit are so heartfelt.

And heartfelt is my jam.

Spider-Man 94: Season Two

As a child, I saw all the episodes of this show, which was well into re-runs when I began watching. So, while I know these episodes, I never saw them in the intended order. And the episodes from this season always intrigued me the most. This may actually be my favorite season of the bunch. I say may, because I've not seen the rest of the show, not yet, as of the time of writing this post. So no, there isn't much of a plan here. I watch, I write, and then watch some more. 

Season two of this show is a completely different picture from season one. Where season one is clearly an appeasement of the corporate powers that be, season two is where the writers were finally left to their own devices. Where season one was a loosely episodic show, the entirety of season two is labeled as one story: Neogenic Nightmares. It's an epic story, one arc thematically linked to another. It's daring and dark and.... well... brilliant. It's self-contained; if you wanted to just sit down and watch this one season you could do it really easily.

The season starts with the Insidious Six, this show's take on the Sinister Six. Peter loses his powers, just in time for Aunt May to be kidnapped by the Insidious Six. The writers not only manage to make a gripping story, but legitimately set up for the next arc with the surprise that Peter's powers are just the beginning of his transformation into... something. Something horrible.

The next episode is about Hydro Man. This is still the definitive take it on the character; he's tackled so well that I was disappointed when I found out that Morrie wasn't nearly so interesting in the source material; neither was Mary-Jane, by and large. There's so many little things about Mary-Jane from this season that I wished were adaptations. They weren't. They're original to this show.

Next up was the cross-over with the X-Men show! Peter goes to Prof X to get some help with his mutation disease. If you've not seen this thing I'm not sure how to comprehend how we're in the same reality. This was the first MCU, and it was done incredibly well. All the characters are written perfectly, with any inter-character conflict being logical and brief. No one is written worse off for forced plot convenience or fan service. And, while Peter's problem isn't solved, his desperation is contrasted against the mutants of the Marvel Universe really nicely. Peter's mutation wasn't the result of being born with that DNA; he's essentially one step away from being forced into being a monster. It's nice to see that desperation put agai

The Man-Spider arc is one of the best Spider-Man stories ever written, without exaggeration. I actually wish this was the finale of the whole show, I love it that much. If you're going to watch any particular arc from this show this is the one. All the characters are presented in sympathetic tones, especially the Punisher, who was my favorite version until Netflix. And Punisher's tech is almost hilariously over the top, like the rest of this show. I could go on, and on, and on, but this is something that needs to be seen for yourself. 60's weird science doesn't get much better than this. Spider-Man definitely doesn't get much better than this.

And right after that is another one of my favorites, the Morbius arc! Again, this completely defined my idea of what the character was like. It's just as good as when I saw it, with a lot of the subtleties being easier to pick out. The weird science finding tragic people trope of Spider-Man TAS is done so well, so tragically, so humanely, it's worth seeing this arc on its own, even with the silly hand suckers. The Morbius arc is probably better than the Man-Spider arc, but you won't hear me admitting it any time soon.

Tablet of Time, after all the awesomeness just mentioned is a bit of a letdown. It's a good arc, but it's definitely not as good as what just came before. Which, I mean, makes sense. Sometimes all you can do is go down. It's still immensely tragic and well-paced, but it's not quite the same. The more human element in the villains that's typical of the season isn't here as much and I think this arc suffers for it. That being said, the Connors and the Lizard are utilized really nicely, keeping the plot running at a good clip.

We close out the season with the most creative use of the Vulture I've ever seen. Adrian Toomes, afraid of dying, created a technology to steal youth... and spider powers. This was a really satisfying bookend, as Spidey started the season powerless and is then old... and thus powerless. It's a stellar close to the season, as multiple plot lines from season one collide here for a flashy finish. There's so many satisfying thematic clicking into place in these final episodes! I really want to rewatch the whole season with a notebook, just to see how many things actually do pay off here. It's pretty intense.

This is the season of Spider-Man 94 I think of when I get nostalgic. The characters are brilliant, the thematic build is intense and deep, and the risks the show takes with the source material still haven't been topped. If there's any season of Spider-Man cartoons I think anyone should watch and make a part of their canon, it's this season.

Yeah, I said it.

And I think Spectacular Spider-Man is a brilliant show.

But more on that in season three.

May The Power Protect You: Rocky DeSantos (MMPR Red) V2

When I first saw the new Rocky deck I thought him a tank. It's not hard to see why I thought this: Rocky's Bravery made me want to throw Rocky into all the damage taking situations I could. And that was a disastrous decision: one of my few recent losses was specifically because I kept trying to tank with Rocky. Rocky just doesn't work as a tank, at least for me. But I don't think he's meant to. I think Rocky is a masochistic leader. 

Risky Moves is the lens I've learned to see Rocky through. For one energy you can take up to three damage, giving bonus dice to another player equal to the damage Rocky took. This is one of the best leader cards in the game, hands down.  I've seen such spectacular results from it I'd be tempted to say it's one of the best leader cards in the game! For one energy you get to add three dice to another attack; that makes a normal 2D attack comparable to a frickin Power Weapon. For one energy. You pair up Rocky with someone who can get 3D for no energy (MMPR Zack, Adam, or Kat) and you're dishing enormous potential damage for almost nothing. And that's before you stick this card on a Power Weapon, at which point you're dealing simply ridiculous damage.

Yes, I consider activating zords more costly, because they're normally once a round. 

"But Nathan!" you protest. "Its not just an energy! Rocky takes damage too! That's not nothing!"

I agree. It's not nothing.

It's an opportunity. 

And it's all because of Bravery. Rocky's ability isn't once a battle, it's at your discretion. Which means that, as you take damage, you're going to be able to pick up other cards. It may make Rocky a bit more reliant on recoveries, and you may never see him start a battle. But the opportunity cost I've found to be consistently worth it. You can cherry pick your draws and get more resources to keep the momentum on your side. And this game is all about getting momentum and keeping it.

Square Up is Rocky's second most valuable card. You get an energy and stack your deck. It's meant to be played after Risky Moves, which means that you can effectively get Power Weapon damage for free, so long as you have an energy to begin with. You can then dish out your big and expensive hits and keep the momentum going. If you can get some damage reduction from someone else you can then tank a hit, draw Square Up, and then play it, putting it atop your deck. It's a neat little trick and feels good to pull off!

Power Sword is freaking amazing, especially if you can combo it into Risky Moves next turn! It takes a lot of energy, but your momentum will be huge and it may buy you some time. Or just end a battle entirely.

Sturdy Blow is meant to be fodder for Risky Moves, lowering the sting considerably. Otherwise it's a reliable damage dealer. Given how swingy I've found the dice reliable is always good; I find it better to buff a sure thing than speculate. If your dice luck is better than mine (it isn't hard!) you may not like this card. And that's fine. But I need all the help I can get!

Haymaker is a tricky card. For it to be truly worth its time it has to have another Haymaker or Power Sword at the top of your discard pile. It's not that this is impossible to pull off, but the circumstances you'd find that three shield card at the top of your discard pile are... be limited. But how often do you really want Rocky to be hitting directly anyways? The rest of his deck is centered around Risky Moves. I treat Haymaker as a backup for when other options aren't available. 4D for one energy is good, so when it comes up it's nice to have! But I don't focus on it all that much.

The Red Dragon Zord costs you one card to make it a terrific buff. But who would want to give up a card? Well, Haymaker exists, right? So does Sturdy Blow. Giving up a card you weren't interested in using much isn't really that much of a cost. And who knows? Maybe discarding a Haymaker will set you up for its twin to deliver a bone-crunching 4D. I'm always drawing the two copies together, much to my annoyance. Maybe you have better luck shuffling. But I don't, so I'll take advantage, thank you very much!

Rocky's got a lot of potential. If you play him correctly your damage output will be consistently high, allowing your group to keep momentum going and recover with the extra time if need be. He's not as directly offensive as Jason but I'd be lying if I said that Rocky doesn't now have a special place in my heart. If you're okay with sitting in the back and being pretty roughed up after every fight, despite never taking a hit, then Rocky is your guy.

Or, y'know, if you like dealing incredibly stupid amounts of damage for practically nothing.

A Return

  

 Yeah yeah yeah I’m back. 

Let’s get this post out of the way, so that we can get back to business. 

It may shock some, but the person who writes in this blog has an almost impossibly strong idealistic streak in him. It has gotten me almost nothing but trouble my whole life. In fact I’d argue that my life is one large proof against just about any form of idealism, at all. 

Idealism: As defined by this blogger, an intellectual framework that helps you skip the boring steps in thinking. A complete and thorough killer of actual thought and genuine experience.

Idealism helps you act. Idealism doesn't necessarily help you act well. And yes, not doing something may be a lot better than doing the wrong thing. I've seen that repeatedly: moving before full information always goes wrong, always, and if you don't think that's accurate you clearly don't pay attention to the world long enough before going back to your phone. Cause things go wrong even when you've actually tried to get the right information. I have fought throughout my whole life to get rid of as much idealism as possible. I have never found the effort to be worthless. The fight against idealism is everlasting. To fight against your own filters is almost too much, but I find that if I don't I wind up doing stupid things.

Like walking away from All the Things Under Heaven and Earth.

When I finished Lilith I felt that something within me had changed. And it had. Lilith allowed me to see the world as I had always seen it, and that gave me peace. But, no matter how much I try to strangle the life out of my idealistic tendencies, there's always something down there. And it turns out there was something down there. Biding its time. I wanted to be like Mr. MacDonald, which is a well-intentioned ideal, to be sure! I set out to simply be a game designer. Try to be simple and let the complexity rest elsewhere.

It's a nice ideal.

Fuck ideals.

The last few months I've been feeling that something was missing. A spark. It wasn't very loud, and it wasn't major, but I found that, just like every time I try to be idealistic - every time!!! - it fails. Maybe, once upon a time, culture allowed us split the difference on the cost of idealism. Because idealism's cost is hard upon you. You deny your individuality to become part of a collective. And that's okay enough if you're part of a real society, where you can roll out of your bed and actually have a culture to support you and make up the difference, idealism might work out for you. We don't live in a culture. We're in a wasteland of awfulness that doesn't know it's dead yet. And so the cost is too high to do anything other than deal with things with as little a perceptual filter as possible and to refuse the filters that others now assume.

Well, last night I didn't sleep so well. And, lying there in the dark, I realized I'd not been expressing something very basic, very powerful, real, within my soul... and that it wasn't happening because I wasn't here.

Well, I'm back.

For the five people who read this blog, I hope you'll find your way back. I'm going to keep relating my journey, however strange it is, along with just the random things I find myself getting into.

I hope you're along for the ride. I'm driving, no matter who tags along.

The Meeting in the Temple 2022

 

There is a legend, passed down from generation to generation, about St. Symeon the God-Bearer. There is a truth in it that makes its factuality irrelevant. Sometimes stories are handed down because they answer a question everyone has. And that's all there needs to be to it.

The legend goes that St. Symeon was one of the translators of the Septuagint, the oldest translation of the Old Testament we still have. St. Symeon was about to translate the passage "The virgin shall conceive". 

He paused.

That couldn't be right.

Clearly the text meant young girl. Symeon raised his pen. But something stopped him. He knew it couldn't be true. Virgins don't conceive. Can't. But Symeon knew the text, inside and out. And despite his better judgement he knew the text was "virgin", not "maiden". Something inside him was as confident of that truth as the pen he held.

I know I run into these moments. The small still voice tries to say something... And I find myself ignoring it. Involuntarily. I just can't stop and listen. And not for a lack of trying! The spirit may be willing but the flesh is busy. This is the purpose of asceticism: to slow the body down, to render the body quiet. 

This is far easier said than done. 

But when that small still voice is finally heard. 

I was seventeen the first time I heard Him and recognized Him for Who He Is. He spoke of my future and the choices required to secure it. I went running to my priest. I wanted to believe what I heard! It was wonderful! But I had no wish to be duped. And this seemed to be too good to be true.

"No, it's real."

"How do you know, Father?"

"He spoke of peace. If it's God then He only speaks of peace."

And I knew he was right. I felt whole, secure,  right, when I thought of what I heard. Nothing, nobody, else did this.

I then proceeded to forget it. And do all sorts of things against it. Not purposefully, mind; the flesh wants to stay busy. And waiting is not a busy process. By the time the promises became fulfilled, six years later, I was thoroughly unworthy of what I'd heard. I'd despaired, roamed far, given up on there being any mercy for me in this life.

So when it happened I raged. Where had God been these six years? Why now, now that I'd strayed as far as I had? How dare God show up and fulfill His promises now? 

I called a friend, grabbed, a bat, and went into the woods. I began bashing down every piece of foliage I could. I wanted to give up. And found I couldn't. Wouldn't. I screamed in anguish, cursing God and every piece of creation I could think of. I wanted to just lie down and die and get it over with, why now???

My friend was totally nonplussed, of course. He told me I was full of shit, and he told me the real reason I was angry: that I'd wasted my time. And no one was responsible for that but me. But I could still be happy.

I turned on my friend, bat brandished. I wanted to bash his brains in. He didn't flinch. He repeated it: I still had a chance to be happy. Bashing his brains in wouldn't change that. Not even then.

I lowered the bat and growled. "Fine, let's fucking get it over with."

My friend's laughter stung. "You really want to be miserable that bad?"

"Fuck you! What if I do?"

He shrugged. And walked away. 

A moment later I was beside him, bat safely secured.

Why do I bring this up? Because if you don't know when the Septuagint was made I'll tell you: three hundred years before Christ.

Three.

HUNDRED.

Years.

And I couldn't wait six.

St. Symeon waited. He saw the Jewish state fall to the Romans. His friends and family were all dead. All of them. Time wore on. And on. And on. Messiahs came and went. Herod, that butcher, built a temple. And Symeon forgave that.

And then one day Symeon heard a small still voice. He went into the temple. Around six weeks of age is when babies begin to smile for the first time.

Was that first smile for you, 300 year old Symeon?

After all the empty promises of a military leader, of seeing all the empty hopes dashed, did your long-awaited answer come in the form of a baby's smile?

"Now you shall dismiss your servant, O Lord, according to Your word. My eyes have seen Your salvation, which You have prepared for all people! A light for the revelation to the Gentiles and the glory of Your people Israel"