Suihkulahde: Session Eleven

A sincere thanks to my patrons, who have provided a lot of feedback and encouragement. Y'all mean a lot to me. If you want to join them  and help steer the direction of the blog it would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!

So I assumed this was either the last session of the arc or the second-to-last. I mean, we've got a mysterious army of teal soldiers walking acrost the water coming up to the island, with Anneli and Nomi standing there, all fantasy/superhero-like, waiting in a line on the shore. I mean, how cool is that? How can you top that in an arc?

And then I got a tooth infection.

Which continued.

OUCH.

So coming up to session night I wasn't feeling too on-game. Hard to be thinking straight when you've been wrestling with persistent pain for a few weeks. So, excited as I was, I felt a bit of trepidation. How on earth could I bring my A-Game, feeling as poorly as I have? 

LAST TIME ON....

Nomi and Anneli had to face Fingar, who had become warped by the eldritch Nameless. Fingar hid, fashioning some odd magic. Fingar got the jump on Anneli and stabbed dai in the gut; a strange eldritch poison entered Anneli's veins and dai died on the spot. Nomi knocked Fingar over and stabbed Sydanelma right through Fingar's face.

Anneli found dailself on the banks of the river Styx. Standing next to dai was the Prostitute that had been haunting Anneli for so long. Anneli gave The Prostitute the coin dai had, so the Prostitute was able to move on with Charon. Anneli met Akseli, from The Undertow, who gave dai his white stone, sending Anneli back to the mortal world.

Anneli noticed that Nomi didn't feel grief. There was something... wrong... to Nomi. 

They saw a massive teal glow from the west, in the dark. With their elven eyes they saw it was an army of glowing teal.... things. And somehow Anneli and Nomi knew, they just knew, that Thungal was at their head.

Anneli

B1. Indecision brings disaster; I will never hesitate again.

This is one of my favorite kinds of Beliefs. This Belief was written from the blood, tears, and history of the character.

B2. Akseli Belief: Anneli must learn to trust. 

When Anneli was given Akseli's white stone one Belief and Instinct had be to be "Akseli Beliefs", as Akseli was now a part of Anneli. Lena and I, who had come up with the mechanic, explained how the mechanic worked to Andy, and encouraged him to get creative with it.

B3. I put Thungal on this path; I will put an end to dai.

So as of recently I haven't really had much of an inclination to challenge Belief assumptions, not right out the gate. I usually let them lie. But this one piqued my interest. How did Andy know that it was actually Anneli's fault? I had a thing or two to say about that.

I1. Akseli Instinct: Always rely on others.

Not gonna lie, I wasn't sure what to do with this one, but Andy seemed rather confident it would happen, so I decided to let it be for now.

I2. Always command the hesitant.

Man, this has been a useful Instinct! I've really enjoyed watching Andy use this to get rid of hesitation on Nomi and others. And I'm good for watching it play out another hundred sessions.

I3. Always give Nomi a space to speak.

This is one of those Instincts that just keeps on giving. Over and over, and Lena just keeps paying it out. it's beautiful to watch.

Traits: Call of the Island, Righteous, Mortally Wounded in the Head | Shaky Hands | Slightly Clumsy, Bound to Akseli, Commanding Aura, Driven (Pilot)

Nomi

B1. There will be no more loose ends in the name of misplaced mercy; this ends. 

This was.... there was something about this Belief which took me aback. There was a finality in it, one that complimented Anneli's Goal Belief. Much more than half of being a Burning Wheel GM is listening to the player BITs as if it was music. I was hearing "This is the end of the arc", loud as anything.

B2. I can’t forget what Anneli did for Constantine. 

Oh my gosh, another short one from Lena? Something is changing! The tone on this Belief was purposefully vague, as Lena laughingly told us.

B3. Grieving doesn’t get things done. 

A third short Belief. I'm.... who is this woman??? What did she do with my friend from The Undertow, who wrote actual, literal paragraphs is writing short sentences? Well gee, I guess Burning Wheel is about growth and change.

I1. Always bend the truth for personal advantage

I should have criticized this one a bit, given what we knew was coming, but the other stuff was so good that I just didn't have the heart. It's a very Nomi Instinct, even now.

I2. Never worry about others’ personal feelings

So. Very. Nomi. I'm going to need to make sure that this one gets hit harder in the next arc, but we had other things to take care of this time.

I3. Always act towards my own goals first.

One of the things I really appreciate about Lena's characterization of Nomi is that, while dai can be quite noble, is not necessarily selfless. From heroic to selfish, Nomi has a lot of shades of grey. And this is definitely showing up in this third Instinct.

Traits: Educated, Call of the Sea, Spite, Deceptive, Compulsive Liar, Callous, Charismatic, Memory’s Influence, Bitter, Guarded

And here we go! Strap in for some infodump!  

Anneli, Nomi, Alosio, and Remus saw the eerie teal glow and strange things over the water; the pulse of the Music was low, but it was there. Thungal was coming. Anneli and Nomi didn't know how they knew, but they it; Thungal was at the head of that incoming army. Anneli turned and saw Constantine’s ghostly form next to Nomi, who couldn’t see or hear him. Constantine turned to and told Anneli not to worry: that the cavalry was coming. 

Telos, Marian, and Decima showed up. Telos called  Nomi and Anneli members of the Council, laughing at Anneli’s confusion. "You would have wound up here, one way or another!" assured Telos. He then asked for a summary of the situation. Anneli tried to turn it around on Telos, but he deflected;  there were so many world-defining events going on, he couldn't keep track of everything! That's why there was a Council; no one could do it alone. Anneli shoots it straight: Thungal was at the head of that strange army; dai had somehow changed and needed to be stopped. Nomi made a snarky remark about how Thungal had cracked from being unable to deal with.... everything.

Anneli asked for guidance on how to fight the strange things. What were they? Telos explained that these were the former cultists, changed and warped by a strange confluence of  "Shadow" and Rayona, the Dark Ocean. They all emitted The Music, just by existing. And that meant that what should have been a cut and dry combat was more complicated. Telos and Marian, as powerful as they were, immortal though they were, were still human; humans could not survive against The Music, no matter how long they lived normally. But everyone has gifts; Decima reluctantly revealed her ability to counter the Nameless because she had been given a white stone from a dead star, which let the star counter Nameless through Decima. It hurt and was not natural, but Decima could do it.

Telos offered to show Anneli and Nomi why Thungal was actually here. Anneli and Nomi were a bit confused; why wouldn't Thungal be there for them? Telos led them to the center of the island, where Anneli had been before, where the mysterious voice had welcomed dai, back in session three... but went deeper, farther than Anneli had gone. There they found a fountain, like the one they saw in the monastery. Dal, the elf who had built the cult city, had built this fountain as well. This is why the island needed protecting, and what kept the monks from going insane in isolation. The water in the fountain came from the center of the earth and flowed through the Flame. Drinking it changed a person, somehow. Anneli and Nomi had both drunk before, but hadn't noticed a change. Thungal had also drank from it, but because of her unworthiness, it had turned her into the awful form she was in now. Thungal was coming for more of the water, as it would warp her further.

Telos instructed Nomi and Anneli to drink again to help in the fight to come. Anneli and Nomi needed to take care of Thungal while the three humans were going to deal with the rest of the creatures. The important thing was to prevent any of them from reaching the fountain

So yeah, this was just a bunch of dialogue and exposition. I'd wanted to nuance Thungal's and Fingar's fall, to add a layer that possibly there was something to to them that made them not the heroes. Burning Wheel is about the long-term, it's the long con. You can afford to set up plot threads and let them linger a bit. So obviously this is something I want to follow up on in the oncoming sessions.

The Music got louder and louder as the evil army approached. Nomi hesitated for a split second, remembering the last time dai heard The Music: seeing Constantine dying. Anneli saw Constantine's ghost, standing behind Nomi with his hand on Nomi’s shoulder. Constantine gave Anneli words to sing to Nomi. Anneli sang an epic/lay, weaving in the words from Constantine about renewal and hope. For a second Nomi could feel Constantine's hand and snapped back to the present. They faced the oncoming Thungal with resolve.

Yeah, I had Andy and Lena make Steel tests. And Lena bombed that test. And all of a sudden Andy's Instinct about using Command was super relevant! And Andy just wrecked shop with Command, getting Nomi back on dai feet. So I tried poking at Lena's Belief about Anneli failing/helping(???) Constantine, allowing the two of them to team up. And it was just... it was a beautiful scene. This may have been the actual climax of the arc. I think we were building to reconciling these two sisters: recovering from betrayal, death, and failure, to heal and become more than they were before. It's a quiet moment, but those are frequently the best in a story.

Thungal was unrecognizable. Standing at over seven tall, skeletally thin, with only a skull remaining for her face, teal fire flashing out from where eyes and mouth should  have been. But somehow, someway, Anneli and Nomi recognized her. With a voice like a deep rusty hinge, Thungal begins to monologue: Anneli is the true traitor, preferring dail awful sister to Thungal, who had been with Anneli and hadn't betrayed dai, ever. But now Thungal was going to get hers. Nomi interrupted this monologue, lunging to stab at Thungal, Anneli jumping in to help.

Oh man it felt good to have these two sisters finally, finally, be together. There was a firmness of resolve the both of them felt, a righteous anger that was shared. 

Thungal's already long fingers telescoped out, thin and razor-like, forcing Nomi back. Anneli tried to help flank and distract from Nomi, spear in hand, but Thungal maneuvered herself in the surf to keep herself abreast of the sisters. Nomi and Anneli lunged in, keeping up their guards and blocking the incoming razor fingers. Nomi swung at Thungal's head, but a black viscous fluid reached out and blocked the blow from Sydanelma. Thungal lunged forward, telescopic fingers bouncing off of Nomi's armor again. Anneli and Nomi smacked Thungal with the butts of their weapons, finally getting inside Thungal's guard.

Time stopped for all three in the surf, just a for a moment.

And then they all lunged

Sydanelma found Thungal's throat, cutting her head off in a rainbow flurry of stabs. Thungal fell in the surf.

So did Anneli, a deep wound in dail head.

So this is what we scripted:

So this is what we scripted, my actions first:

V1, A1) Counterstrike vs Counterstrike

V1, A2) Avoid vs Beat

V1, A3) Strike vs -

V2, A1) Strike vs Strike

Heh, Andy argued quite quite passionately that I wouldn't be coming out as offensive as I did, because he thought I wouldn't be so offensive in the face of so many people. He didn't anticipate Thungal having the armor she did, allowing her to shrug off some hits from Sydanelma.

What I didn't anticipate was rolling so many freaking 1's on the armor checks! I gave Thungal 3D armor... .and it was almost entirely blown out within the first strike. So when she got hit again I only had 1D..... and it failed. Freaking armor!

Oh, right, Andy spent a Persona point. Anneli is gonna make it.

Nomi began pulling Anneli to the beach, yelling out for Marian to do something. Marian, Telos, and Decima helped pull Anneli to the shore. Marian assured Nomi they’d take care of Anneli. Nomi watched them working on dail sister with a very strange feeling. Nomi knew dai should be feeling grief, should be overcome with worry. But dai wasn't. All Nomi could think of was what to do next. With Constantine, the hurt and anger and vengeance was too strong and became the focus. 

This was different. 

The tears wouldn’t come and the absence of grief was felt as unexpressed pain. 

Decima approached and gently told Nomi dai may not want to watch. Nomi shrugged that off, but  Decima pointed out that dai wouldn’t be able to feel it properly, to grieve. Nomi shook dail head. 

"What I feel or not doesn’t matter. It’s my sister. And I’m going to be here."

And so Nomi sat beside dail sister. Aloisio and Remus gathered round their fallen captain, and the surf continued to pound, on and on.

You know what one of my favorite seasons of The Walking Dead was? Season Four. That's the one where Rick starts out as a pacifist and ends up ripping out his son's sexual assaulter's throat with his teeth. The arc tracked his swinging from extreme to another, and that's the point of the really good seasons of Walking Dead. And I feel like we did something like that here. I am always happy to have arcs like this, even if I have difficulty tracking the change at first.

This arc is going to take me a while to process. There was a lot that happened here. But so far we seem to have a created a tale of family, heartbreak, time travel, and definitely betrayal. Gosh, so much betrayal. 

Onto the Trait Vote!

The Impact of Lost

A sincere thanks to my patrons, who have provided a lot of feedback and encouragement. Y'all mean a lot to me. If you want to join them  and help steer the direction of the blog it would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!

I've been thinking about Lost a lot lately. Part of it has to do with my neighbor watching it. He's a gregarious fellow and is the type of philosophical/sci-fi dude I would have assumed had watched Lost before. So he's been talking to me about it as he goes through and his mind. Just. Gets. Blown.  Which is so fun and satisfying to watch!!!

But then I began to think about it.

I owe Lost a whole hell of a lot. 

Lost, along with Clannad, cemented my tastes in high-concept and character driven fantasy. It also pushed me fully into mythology, reading classics, and demanding intensive character work in my RPGs. Much to the chagrin of literally everyone who has played with me since.

So I'd actually had a pretty low-magic/tech sensibility before Lost. Firefly is absolutely my preference over Star Trek, for instance: the problems of the human heart don't change, regardless of tech level. I had made the mistake in assuming that high-concept meant bad character development. Lost and Clannad changed that, being very high concept shows that used their concepts to forward character development. And I've not quite recovered from that rush of adrenaline since.

I was always interested in mythology. I read a lot of Greek mythology as a kid, imbibing a lot of those stories. Contrary to what a lot of people may think, I always found them to be very character-driven. And I enjoyed the arcs that mythology had to offer. Heracles and his constant drive to get ahead of Hera's jealousy, leading into his eventual ascent to godhood. The Trojan War is a key part of my consciousness. Lost reinvigorated my childhood love for mythology, and I have been slowly arcing back to a study of the older stories. It's a long work, recovering what we lost. But I have found a depth in the older works that have been preserved that we don't have these days, by and large. Lost seems to have inherited some of the older stories. And it was Lost that reminded me that I still preferred them.

Lost also lit a fire in my heart about reading the classics. Most of the characters in that show are either an overt reference to something classical or an actual author. Some of the references were merely surface level, but a lot of them weren't. And that piqued my interest. I've barely gotten through two in the ten years since: The Brothers Karamazov and The Count of Monte Cristo... although I'd count the Solar Cycle in that reckoning, even if they're not universally recognized. So I guess that's a total of seven. I've also dived a lot into primary sources in the Orthodox faith, in large part because of the uncertainty of knowledge presented in Lost. While I'd been interested in the Fathers and liturgics before then a lot of what I did after that point was because of the skepticism I found in myself to be in consonance with the show.

But the nail in the coffin was the character work. Lost was always about the characters. Always. Bad, good, inbetween, it didn't matter. Watching how the characters evolved from such basic events as needing to get food to the of the world was the point. Anyone wanting answers about the setting missed why the setting elements existed in the first place: to change the characters as they encountered the unexplainable. Wanting answers was against the point of the whole endeavor. We were meant to watch characters change in the face of the numinous. 

I've talked with Peter, my sole Peanut Gallery patron. We both want to see some commentary on this ground-breaking show, which changed so much in our world. So I'm going to start looking at this show, with the ending, the mythological framework, in mind. Hopefully y'all will find it as illuminating as Peter and I. I got a lot from and out of this show. Maybe it's nostalgia. Maybe it's gratitude. Maybe I just want something to chew on for a long time. 

Regardless, we are here.

May the Power Protect You: Carlos Vallerte (In Space Black)

There's something special about Carlos.  There's that rush of adrenaline as you look at your hand. You gotta kick out as much of it as you can, assuming you drew many cards at all. And as you start your play you'll realize that there's a lot of control here: you don't have to get to Hot Blooded right away, but can sit in the back, preparing for your burst of power. Yeah, that means you're not all that good solo, but provided you get the support you need you can come in, wreck the crap out of a few cards in a single blow, and be back in time for dinner.

Hot Blooded isn't something to use all the time. Never was the rule "Draw one card at a time" so relevant; only draw what you need to get through the fight. If you draw Rising Moon draw your max hand size, because you can place the rest of it back if you want to. And that's the key: if you have Rising Moon there is absolutely no reason not to max that hand out. At all.

Meteor Smash is a freebie draw when you're drawing up your hand.. If you get this card immediately draw another two: one to pay for its kicker, and the other one because duh. I know there's an option to gain an energy or add a die. If you're within your reroll trigger go for the extra die. At least, that's what my rule of thumb is. Every shot from Carlos needs to be a kill shot, if not a serious rocker.

Covering Strike is, once again, a freebie. You can draw an additional card if you draw this one, without hurting your chances of getting to Hot Blooded. And let's not be joking around: unless you have a good reason to let someone else put a card atop their deck that ability should be used on you, so that way you can get back to Hot Blooded.

Moon Fang Piercer is where things get a bit tricky. It's a hard hit, but it needs to be the absolute last or second to last card you play to be worth it. And that means that, whenever you draw this card, you should seriously consider not drawing anymore. Like, check and make sure that everyone else thinks they can carry that particular battle beyond the one card you'll be smoking, but unless there's a clear and present need to draw more cards? You probably shouldn't.

If you draw Lunar Lance you'll need a bare minimum of three cards in your hand, possibly more, depending upon how people are feeling with their hands. If you haven't figure it out yet, I check how others are doing before I make decisions about my hand when playing with Carlos. Heck, I wouldn't even draw until I know what everyone else has. And that pays off the best when you get Lunar Lance. Combine this card with his Astro Blaster and Carlos can hit anything he likes, with a reroll to boot.

Mega V2 is good for cycling useless cards out of your hand and getting your deck stacked back up. It's also good for whenever you need to get your deck stacked up against a hit. Not to mention being able to throw out a bunch of cards when you need to, for a clinch hit.

Carlos is my favorite of the In Space Rangers. Properly played he's a bruiser with a Russian Roulette heart. He's challenging to play, sure, but we left simple with the core box. And I can't say I'm terribly disappointed that's the case.

In the interest of clarity, I helped playtest prototypes for this character. A sincerest thanks to Jonathan Ying and Renegade Studios!

Against the Darkmaster: First Impressions

 

A Terrifying Weapon to Behold

Guys, this thing is a freaking tome. I've got a good hunch if I took this monster of a book and hit you at the base of your skull you'd be dead. Or at the very least in a coma. It's not the largest RPG I own by page count - that's either Burning Wheel or Burning Empires - but the paper is this wonderfully thick and heavy stock and it's definitely a thicker (and larger) book. The fact that this book could double as a weapon is part of the point. This game is what would happen if you put the Iliad and put it to a heavy metal soundtrack.

That's explicit.

Parts of the game actually ask you to copy and paste heavy metal lyrics in. We'll get back to that. It's glorious.

Oh Right, You Want a Definition

Against the Darkmaster is a rules-heavy combat game, inspired principally by Tolkien and heavy metal. It's a d100 system: roll d100 (usually 2d10 with one die as the 10s and the other the 1s), add your modifiers, and pray to get 100+, for standard checks. 

You probably won't.

The dice engine is deliberately evil. If you just go by it you're not going to get a straight success, not terribly often. We'll get back to that.

For combat rolls you get all your modifiers, knock off an amount equal to your enemy's defense, and compare to the proper table. Roll as high as you can, cause the higher you roll means you not only do more damage but can also roll on a critical hit table.... and those get mean. Instant death mean. Better wear armor, because if you don't you'll find yourself in a coma for weeks. One strong roll and your character may be so critically injured that there's barely anything anyone can do to save them. And that's the point. 

Drive, Passions, Advancement Lists, and Other Walls of Text

The dice engine in this game can be compared to a box of needles and knives and rusty forks, especially at lower levels. Because there's this awesome thing called Drive. Drive allows you to fudge the numbers, reduce critical hits, get rerolls, and make your stuff much more effective. Spending 10 Drive nets you a Milestone, which means you have the ability to have what's called a Revelation. Most of the time Revelations require time to process the events since the last Revelation, so usually you need some serious time off, but once you do you can increase stats, buff items, get more HP, and other little bumps. Considering that Drive should be flying off your character the issue is not in getting the Milestone, but having the time to get a Revelation (although the game does say that a dramatically appropriate moment can suffice).

How do you get Drive? You act on your Passions. Yes, folks, this game has Burning Wheel in its list of inspired games! You choose three priorities for your character. Like Burning Wheel what these three Passions could be is totally up to you, but the game has three default assumptions: Nature (behavior/demeanor), Allegiance (love/hate of another character), and Motivation (an actual concrete goal). Other classifications can and do exist, but these are the three assumed by the game. Whenever you willingly put yourself into a dangerous situation or challenge, put yourself in a bad light because of your Passions, or put the story in a new or unexpected direction because of your Passions, increase your Drive by one. 

Oh, there's an alternate rule where you can use heavy metal lyric quotes for Passions. I don't know why it's an alternate rule, because that's just too cool for words! At that point Passions become a reference to music...  and the places you could go with that is amazing.

Your Drive caps at five. The game says you can either award Drive on the spot or at the end of the session, whatever you think is more appropriate to your story.

Now, I've read more than a few RPGs that claim to have Burning Wheel as an inspiration. Some of them it's a very surface level inspiration (cough Beyond the Wall cough hack), and others actually seemed to learn something from it (Blades in the Dark is definitely in this category). Against the Darkmaster is the only game I know of that actively apes Burning Wheel's core engine: two advancement engines which are fed by an open-ended "input" system. In Burning Wheel that's your Beliefs, Instincts, and Trait, which feed into the epiphany (grey-shading) and skill advancement systems. 

For this game we've already talked about the Passion/Revelation engine, but there's also the Achievement List/XP engine, which completes the resemblance to Burning Wheel. The Achievement List is decided upon by the GM and the players, who determine which concrete actions in the world warrant XP or not. Against the Darkmaster openly wants your group to customize their own list of at least six options. The game gives two examples of such lists, with solid guidance on how to make your own. And the game expects the group as a whole to draft the list. Now, the game seems to imply that once the list is made that's it; no changing it. But there's nothing explicitly saying that you can't. And I have every intention of encouraging the list to change to reflect new situations.

Oh, and if you die a heroic death you just pass on your entire experience track to the next character. Kill your darlings, because more are coming. That might be an important rule, no?

An Open Tome of Deadliness

Now, here's where my predilections as a reviewer come the most into play. I am of the opinion that folks should not modify a game to suit their tastes when they're just starting. They need to adapt to the game and see if they can work with it, as written. The designer spent some time crafting a piece that works (in theory), and it's not up to somebody who's never even touched the darn thing to determine on a surface-level read whether or not they should change it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't eventually house-rule the game to your preferences: just take some time learning the game as it is. I currently have one house rule for Burning Wheel, with another in consideration, with seven years of gameplay under my belt. When I was playing 4e DnD I played a full three years before I started hacking it. Learn the game. Then figure out what you wanna do with it.

Against the Darkmaster takes a bit of a softer approach than I'm used to: it provides several alternate rules, with active advice on what that does to the system. Most of those alternate rules are the way the designers prefer to play the game. That leads to a more collaborative experience, with players using heavy metal lyrics as inspiration for Passions, deliberately softening the blows for deaths that are not heroic, and a couple of other rules that make your games about badassess dying deaths of badassery. 

Most of the time alternate rules seem to dilute the experience for me, but here the designers seem to legitimately think the "other" way is just as much a legit way to play their game. The rules have a polish to them that suggest play-testing, as opposed to "Hey, this might work", without much of a thought as to whether they'd actually work. That suggests to me that there's more than one way to play this game in the very heart of the design team. And that I don't mind, as it seems genuine enough.

The Bonk on the Back of the Neck

I called my brother John, who is not an RPGer, not by any stretch, but used to be in a heavy metal band, and threw the pitch for this game as I understood it his way: in order to destroy the Darkmaster you have to exist in an world of pain, suffering and death. Your characters live short, but incredibly intense, lives dying in blazes of glory that will be forever remembered. You pass on your experience track, creating stronger and stronger characters, until you're waist deep in the blood your characters have spilled, all to get to the Darkmaster. And when you win and end the series of campaigns you've been playing it's drenched in blood, with all the weight of the dead behind you.

John told me there was no more metal pitch.

When I told him Italians had made the game he laughed and said he expected nothing less from them.

I'll becoming back around when I have more play experience. We'll see how these impressions line up then!

Suihkulahde: Session Ten

In  order to understand what's about to happen we need to talk about Akseli, the Elf Who Remembered. Akseli had been a captain of the Sword Singers, who were dedicated to keeping The Nameless away from the planet Heranyt.  Akseli was not the best warrior against the Nameless, but he was certainly more than competent. He was certainly well-known. He had fallen in love with Makirta, who had helped him become a better person and warrior, not to mention a better friend. All was well.

Until Makirta revealed herself to be a dark elf agent of The Lone Keep. Akseli's goodness had driven Makirta to repent of her ways. She asked for help in atoning for her crimes, especially against Akseli. Enraged, Akseli drove Makirta away. She pleaded for forgiveness and was refused. Shortly afterwards Akseli threw himself recklessly against several Nameless and "wiped", a process wherein all your memories are removed from the person. For most humans this is an instantly lethal process. For elves they may live, but they will never get their memories from before the attack.

Except for Akseli. He came back.

Akseli's best friend, Yngvar, would not give up on him. Over the course of several decades Yngvar helped Akseli get back almost all of his memories from before the Nameless attack. This included most of Akseli's memories of Makirta, who had been missing for decades. Akseli looked for her, but was unsuccessful. He was heartbroken.

Decades later Akseli met Mikansia, Makirta's daughter by her brother, the vile Krakeru, who had accidentally become a member of his Sword Singer unit. Miksansia abandoned the Sword Singers to try to kill Krakeru, which is when Akseli realized who she was. After Mikansia had killed Krakeru, Akseli abandoned the Sword Singers to help her discover who in the elven nations was helping Krakeru and The Lone Keep. This investigation led to Yngvar being killed by an elf called Zaina.

Akseli was devastated by the loss of Yngvar. He got the chance to meet Yngvar in Dream, the world between the living and the dead, where Yngvar asked Akseli to let go and grieve as he should. Akseli refused; he had lost too much. While in Dream Krakeru attacked Akseli, and forced his own memories into Akseli's mind, corrupting Akseli at his core. Akseli, however, worked to fully integrate the corruption, attempting to become a new person. Instead of succumbing to his new influence he resolved to integrate it. He asked for Mikansia's understanding in this unique transition.

She was unable to give it; Akseli died in her arms, his sorrow disintegrating him. Mikansia was able to face Akseli later and accepted his forgiveness, as well as help free Makirta, who had been used to keep The Lone Keep in the sky. Akseli had last been with Mikansia, helping her destroy Zaina and save Kotae Mah.

With the debacle of last session's mistake past us, we all got ready for a nice and simple beat down. Lena in particular has a taste for violence as a way of venting, which we always have a good laugh about. "Murder!" is usually the cry we start up. It's great.

So Fingar had welcomed The Nameless in, swearing revenge on Anneli. Nomi, no matter how mad dai was at Anneli, would never allow Fingar to kill dail sister. It was a very short conversation. Everyone thought they knew what they wanted.

This is what came back to me:

Anneli

B1. Indecision brings disaster; I will never hesitate again.

B2. I had a hand in Fingar's pain; I will relieve dai of it.

B3. Something strange has happened to Nomi's grief; I must uncover what.

I1. When in doubt, lie.

I2. Always command the hesitant.

I3. Always give Nomi a space to speak.

Traits: Call of the Island, Righteous, Mortally Wounded in the Head, Shaky Hands, Slightly Clumsy, Haunted, Commanding Aura,Driven (Pilot)

Nomi

B1. I can’t forget what Anneli did for Constantine, but Fingar will not be allowed to deal with dai. 

B2. There is no time for moral grandstanding: Fingar and the Music must be stopped quickly by any means before we lose the entire crew. 

B3. Grieving doesn’t get things done. 

I1. Always bend the truth for personal advantage

I2. Never worry about others’ personal feelings

I3. Always act towards my own goals first.

Traits: Educated, Call of the Sea, Spite, Deceptive, Compulsive Liar, Callous, Charismatic, Memory’s Influence, Bitter, Guarded

Fingar swore revenge. And then ran into the forest by the beach. Anneli and Nomi collapsed under the weight of The Music that began, only for the Prostitute to take over Anneli's body and begin to sing along with The Music. Nomi slapped Anneli as they both came out of their respective stupors. Remus, Brutus, and Aloisio lay screaming on the ground; The Music always hurt humans more than it did elves. Nomi said they needed to kill Fingar, immediately, as dai was clearly the source of The Music. Anneli disagreed; Fingar was in pain and needed help! Both agreed there wasn't time to argue and they'd figure it out when they got there. The Music changed, somehow, almost like Fingar had begun to manipulate it. Anneli and Nomi went in after Fingar.

I had called for a Steel test... which Andy failed by three heartbeats and Lena by one. Andy gave the idea of The Prostitute singing along with The Music. This concept caused Lena and I to shudder. We'd had a lot of experience with The Music in the story and the idea of anyone singing with it was a bit stomach-churning. I had Andy roll a Tracking roll to go after Fingar. He failed. Horribly.

Fingar's shadow, now on its own, ambushed Anneli. Anneli didn't see the shadow in time and was stabbed by a mysterious blade the shadow wielded. Anneli's eyes lost their color and dai went. Fingar jumped out at Nomi and tried to stab dai in the back; dail blade bounced off Nomi's armor. Fingar had poised the blade dail shadow had used against Anneli. It had been intended for Nomi, but Fingar wasn't disappointed that dai had to take on Nomi; this was better. Nomi swore revenge.

This was where I started to spring my trap. Andy and Lena didn't know it yet, but Fingar had been greatly empowered by The Nameless. I made a quick roll to poison Fingar's blade from an orc power I'd found. I had pumped up the skill test at six dice. I threw in Intimidation as dai was manipulating The Music. 

I rolled all successes. 

That was plus seven on power.

Dear God. 

So at that point it was up to Andy: was he going to pass that Tracking test, or not? Well, Andy wasn't trained. And Andy bombed the roll. Horribly. So Fingar's shadow got a good jump on Anneli. I just needed to scratch Anneli, even barely, to deal a B10 wound.

How on earth did I roll all successes again??????

That bumped it all the way up to a G8 wound. Andy and Lena balked, while I stared at my usually unlucky dice. This was supposed to be a simple "gang up on the sub-boss and barely scrape it out". 

Yes, sub-boss. Thungal's coming. The players were happy with that idea too. Anyway.

Andy immediately had an idea and asked if we could get to see Anneli on the other side. Lena and I had done quite a bit of stuff with the other side, so we were excited to see what he had cooked up.

Anneli came to on the banks of a river; the Prostitute was beside dai. She told Anneli she couldn't get on the boat. Just as Anneli was wondering what that meant a bored ferryman appeared, along with his boat. He asked them to hurry up, he had more passengers to collect. There was a coin in Anneli's hand; Anneli wasn't sure when it was never not there. Anneli gave it to the Prostitute, saying dai would find another way back to the land of living and dai wasn't in the mood to die anyway. The Prostitute thanked Anneli and finally introduced herself: Flavia. 

The boat left Anneli alone on the shore.

And that. Was. Awesome. Anneli letting Flavia go was quite unexpected and Lena and I really thought it was cool and said so. I said I had an idea, one how to get Anneli back to the land of the living. Lena was excited; she knew where I was going with this. 

Anneli was not alone for too long. Merry-making could be heard from afar. Up came that strange elf who'd dropped off Nomi in the first place, surrounded by elves, half-elves, and a human with some elven heritage. The elf asked if Anneli needed help, and where was Nomi? Anneli said Nomi was in trouble and that dai needed to get back.

Mikansia introduced herself and then Akseli, who she said could help Anneli. Anneli knew who Akseli was: the Elf who Remembered. A bit of a rockstar moment ensued. Akseli told Anneli that dai could be sent back to help Nomi, but that Anneli would be different. Anneli accepted. Akseli handed Anneli a white stone with a name on it in gold letters; that stone was part of Akseli and would help "glue" Anneli back together, allowing dai to continue on in dail body.

Andy was a bit... overwhelmed. He'd not read The Undertow, and didn't know about white stones, not to mention Akseli. Lena and I had to explain who Akseli was how everything worked. Andy was a bit reserved at first, but once he realized that this was a well-established fact of the world and not us trying to weasel him out of a Mortal Wound he accepted excitedly.

Anneli asked if Mikansia had any words for Nomi. With great warmth Mikansia said 'Tell Nomi dai has what it takes. And always has." Anneli came to, looking up into the dark trees of the island.  Dai heard the exchange between Fingar and Nomi and phased out, white stone cool in dail hand.

It was already a bit strange role-playing Mikansia. I'd offered to Lena the opportunity to play her old character, but Lena was way too pleased to see what I would do with Mikansia. No pressure, not at all! I knew I needed to make it good, particularly with Andy's request. So I said the only thing that came to mind. It wasn't until later that Lena let me know I'd nailed her old character completely. Way to go making me wait to find out, Lena!

When we got back I asked Andy what he wanted to do. Andy said he wanted to Lena to take point. If she didn't take out Fingar he would join in. I asked Lena if she had an idea, and she said she did. She wanted to try to use the Fugue of Discord to temporarily separate Fingar from dail bond with The Nameless. I'd honestly no idea, so I looked it up in the Codex, decided Obstacle 5 was more than high enough to at least try, and told her to roll.

Nomi sung the Fugue of Discord, a tune that normally made people fight and disagree with each other. Dai hoped it would separate Fingar from the Nameless, even if for a moment. Fingar's eyes widened in surprise; The Music stopped for a moment. Nomi knocked Fingar over and ran dail head through with Sydanelma.

Lena crushed the Obstacle 5. Dear God. She also crushed the roll against Fingar, stabbing dai with the grey-shaded sword.

Anneli finally got dail bearings and sat up. Nomi didn't expect that but didn't show it. Anneli told Nomi Mikansia's message, which affected Nomi deeply. Anneli tried to show the stone to Nomi, who couldn't see it, but had known about it from Mikansia.

Anneli mourned over Fingar's corpse. And realized that Nomi just... wasn't. Couldn't. Anneli pointed it out, that Nomi couldn't mourn. Nomi said that Fingar had it coming. Anneli didn't disagree; there was a comfort in this ending, that it couldn't be done again. They couldn't go back. Nomi remarked coldly that was such a neat and tidy bow.

I called for a Perception roll from Andy as he and Lena described their character's reactions to Fingar's death. I had been dropping Andy's belief about figuring out what had happened to Nomi for three sessions. That needed to stop. I needed to get it done.

They heard the humans screaming for help, so they rean to the beach. Aloisio was screaming over Brutus's corpse. Anneli managed to calm Aloisio down with song, as well as Remus. 

They all saw a blue glow on the ocean; an army of strange blue humanoids, walking on the water. Everyone somehow knew Thungal was at their head. 

I mean, it wasn't a "feeling" for the players: I told them. 

All of Life is Grieving

So I went to my EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) session. For those who don't know, EMDR can go to some rather weird places. Memories that EMDR bring up include singular moments in time... up until this point. This round an entire entire span of years was contextualized. And it's brought me to a most inconvenient truth, one which my father has been trying to teach me for years; all of life is grieving.  There's never a moment when you're needing to grief, on some level, no matter if you like it or not.

Most of my teenage years were defined by an emptiness and a rage that held no clear purpose. That loneliness, that desolation, would keep me up at night. I was unable to understand what was happening. For years I've still felt it, even as it's begun to fade with Maria's return to my life, as well as the advent of our children. As of recently that feeling has begun to return in full force. I've done my best to deal with this sudden resurgence of nihilism and self-loathing, but it's not been easy. There's just been this hole in my heart that I've not really been able to figure out. 

And then this flashback happened.

There were very few times in my life where I've felt in control. One of those points was the summer when I was thirteen or so. I was living out in a dilapidated trailer behind Maria's house, on thirty acres of woods. The children who had tormented me for over half a decade were miles away. I awoke, ate breakfast, and went outside to peace and tranquility. I'd hang out with Maria and her family. I'd run through the woods and get myself lost so I didn't have to deal with anyone if I didn't have to. I would go in the evenings to train at the dojo, prepping myself to become national champion. I'd come home and go to sleep. During the day I'd draw, read, and not see a single soul that I did not want to. It wasn't an easy time. It was one of the few times I had a knowledge of who I was, where I was going, and how I related to those around me. 

And then that fall we left. I stopped training Muay Thai, due to a lack of a dojo. I'd had what I thought was a falling out with Maria, and so I'd stopped seeing her.

Every single day after that point was a living hell.

When I was a senior in high school one of my friends told me that when she had first met me she was terrified, because she had no idea what to expect from me. The druggies were apparently discussing what I could possibly be on to make me so volatile. Shaken, I turned to one of my sisters, who confirmed I was mercurial, on a very good day, and that in general it was a good idea to just avoid me altogether. None of them, of course, had been there at nights to watch what happened when the sun went down and all my disappointment came crashing in. But at the time I couldn't remember: there was a time when I was in control. I may not have been very happy (happiness is overrated), nor had much peace (highly underrated), but I was in control. 

And all of a sudden I have that memory back. There was, indeed, a time when I felt myself, the master of my own fate. For many that may not make sense. But knowing that the holes in my soul were once plugged, that I had found some form of equilibrium, no matter how flawed and fleeting, is enough. It also explains why, when I try to train Muay Thai now, a feeling of emptiness and grief overwhelms me. My life had been broken for years; it's not going to repair overnight.

I called my father and told him what had happened. My father responded with regret. He hadn't taught me to grieve the emotions I had been feeling all that time because he hadn't been raised to do it either. How much could have been prevented if only I had been taught how to process and not judge what I didn't understand! I did not need to know why I was sad to process it. It's fortunate I know now, but my father was himself grieved by how badly the ball had been dropped.

I mean, how else was I going to know? As a culture the United States is terrible at grieving. We still labor under the delusion that work equals a result, and therefore  if we somehow keep pushing ahead we will find meaning in what we are doing. Nothing is further from the truth, of course. You must grieve. You must sit with your sorrow, process it, and allow it to influence your personality. Missing things is normal. You cannot restore balance by ignoring the warning klaxons in your nervous system that tell you that not all is well. And there are so many things in the world that hurt! And yes, if they hurt you you have to grieve them. That doesn't mean pausing your life; not grieving stops your life, even while your heart is beating. But it does mean you cannot separate your grief from the rest of your identity. You cannot see yourself without the grief over things that went wrong. You are not just your happiness.

I keep finding that, whenever I pray, actually pray, that I find myself in a state of heartbreak. It's not that praying breaks my heart. It's that I find that I am broken. Encountering God; encountering wholeness, is going to include at least one moment where you realize that you're not. And those things, those breaks in my soul, will stand out. Isaiah, upon meeting God face-to-face, cried out "WOE IS ME". He wasn't crying out because God terrified Him. He cried out because he realized that his heart was broken in a million pieces. And he was overwhelmed by what he saw, within himself. Like anyone else he probably had pushed aside his emotional damage, tried to ignore it, wanted to focus on something that wouldn't make him have to face his own heartbreak. But looking at the face of God requires you to see it; Isaiah could not ignore it.

And so he grieved. He had to accept what he was.

And God helped him do it.

Because of all the names that we've given God, the most beautiful (and therefore most true) is Mercy.

Impact!: Session Two

The Burning Wheel says that it's the person with the fire in his gut that is to become the GM. He must bring a vision for the others to not only care about but to modify and bring to life by joining their ideas to his, creating something far greater than the GM had envisioned. And I've found that to be true in all the campaigns I've run. Burning Wheel is a demanding game. It's not easy to play. But man, when everyone gives their all into it the results are spectacular. I can never be grateful enough for the people I play with, who have managed to take a world that I care about so much and make it so much better, because they're a part of it. Thank you, to all of you who play with me.

With this campaign and Suihkulahde I found myself in strange waters. Orcs are not a race I really sympathized with, in any iteration, and so I don't have a very strong connection to them. Having to figure out what the symbol of orc means to me has been no easy task, especially since Tolkien was never really comfortable with them either. What do you do with a race that was bred to be evil, but since all that exists is inherently good...

Guess I'll find out through play, won't I?

Will and Lena wanted to know what their pitch was. I'd no freaking idea for a week and a half. Normally I know what to do. I sure as hell didn't here. They asked a few times, I promised them something, and then realized I had nothing. So I sat down, looked at session one, and decided to hell with it, we were going to just keep chasing the rabbit. I was going to see how far these two folks wanted to screw over elves. So I said they needed to prove themselves to the Lone Keep. If they were going to be able to use the weapons of the Lone Keep they needed to be worthy of them.

I got some questions right after that of what the hell I meant by that. My group is comprised of those who want to redeem characters. How far in going to evil was I talking about here?  We'd all agreed to play a game where the evil is turned to good, so how far was I talking? I said we'd find out, but I'd not forgotten the mission statement of the group.

This is what came back:

Tekoshai

B1. I’m going to make sure I’m walking out of here with every advantage this place has to offer both myself and the orcs. 

B2. This Krakeru doesn’t seem like any other elf bastard I’ve had to work for. Maybe he can be useful. 

B3. Idiota was clearly Named appropriately; he won’t last the return trip if he doesn’t learn to break to the lash of his betters

I1. If someone challenges the hierarchy, put him in his place immediately. 

I2. Always use others when expedient

I3. Always protect yourself at all costs

Idiota

B1. Tekoshai can screw off, he doesn't deserve my respect 

B2. Elves evilness is destroying this planet, I must try to learn how to use these weapons of mass destruction to stop them at all cost

B3. I will not be persuaded from believing I'm the rightful heir to the throne

I1. when startled attack

I2. before entering a room, scan for danger

I3. once in a room scan for all possible exits

Krakeru looked at Tekoshai's works of torture and murder, genuinely impressed. Tekoshai was briefly uncomfortable, but accepted that Krakeru wasn't like most dark elves he'd worked with. Krakeru asked if Tekoshai was ready to move up in the world. Tekoshai told Krakeru to lead the way! So Krakkeru led Tekoshai through the double doors before them, where Idiota had walked through a few minutes before. Krakeru told Tekoshai that he couldn't use the weapons of the Lone Keep alone; he'd need help. And for that they needed Idiota.

The minotaur who had been standing next to Idiota asked him if he was willing to do whatever it took to restore the minotaurs, including destroying the elven race. Idiota said he'd do whatever it took. Just as he said this the doors opened, and in walked Tekoshai. 

Krakeru appeared next to Idiota, startling him. Will, who has a penchant for chaos, rubbed his hands in glee. I had him roll Intimidate, to see if he impressed Krakeru with the instinctual swing he was about to make. If  Idiota succeeded Krakeru would take a shine to Idiota and help reign in Tekoshai's own instinct of enforcing hierarchy. Lena and Will are very good friends, who like giving each other as much shit as they can in any game they play together, so they were both excited to get artha for doing what they do best. 

Idiota failed the roll. So Krakeru was... less than impressed with Idiota's aggression. So he didn't get in the way when Tekoshai got his lash out. I was still very uncomfortable with the idea that there was no whip skill, so I asked if it was okay to for me to check with the Burning Wheel Discord group really quick, to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Lena and Will gave permission, and for the moment we went with Agility versus Speed.... which Will borked. Hard. Tekoshai got an actual Light wound off on Idiota, forcing a Steel test. Which was also horribly failed.

Will chose for Idiota to run screaming. So off he went, through the eldritch eggs that were forming! All of us were laughing at just how badly this was going. So Tekoshai ran Idiota down, tackling him to the ground.

It was here we learned from Discord that there is a Lash skill, in the Codex, with trolls. Given how important the whip seemed to be to Tekoshai I asked if we wanted to allow Lena to swap out one of her weapon skills for Lash, as that would make the whip central to Tekoshai. Lena liked the idea, cracking some BSDM jokes which had Will and I laughing hysterically.

Anyway.

Tekoshai took out a knife and cut the symbol of his tribe into Idiota's flank. Idiota belonged to Tekoshai now and he was going to help unlock the weapons that Krakeru was offering them. Yet another borked rolled from Will; Idiota, cowed, called Tekoshai crazy under his breath as he got up, smarting from the carving in his flank.

Krakeru had two turmeltunuts (creatures who fall apart without the presence of pain) bring out a female elf who'd been caught trying to infiltrate the Keep. Two pairs of wicked-looking gauntlets were brought out, with all sorts of sharp curves and profane symbols etched into them. Tekoshai eagerly put on his pair and forced Idiota to put on his pair. Directed by Krakeru, Tekoshai punched the elf in the stomach. There was a scream that sounded like existential glass breaking; the elf's soul was literally punched out of her body, dipping it into Herna, the dark abyss that none wish to go to. The elf, when she came back, seemed happy to see Tekoshai and Idiota; they were going to fix everything, after all, how could she not be happy to see them?

Krakeru explained that if both pairs of gloves gripped the elf's head they could exorcise her soul and bring something else to take over the body. Tekoshai was ecstatic; Idiota was scared. So was the elf, as she realized they were going to do it. She pleaded with Idiota, telling him he had a choice. Idiota weakly told her he didn't; she disagreed, pitifully. A scream was heard from reality itself: metaphysical nails on a chalkboard. Ash came out of the elf's mouth. A fell light came into her eyes. The voice that now came out was male, deep and disturbing. It asked for Tekoshai's and Idiota's name. Tekoshai gave his.

So quick lore note: this is happening before session thirty-four of The Undertow. In that session Mikansia had discovered that Kotae Mah, the capital of the Elven Kingdoms had been ripped apart by civil war. I've no idea why, but I realized that this was the beginning of the devastation that Mikansia had walked in on. Like most things when GMing a game, it was a moment of "OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE!"

Krakeru told Idiota and Tekoshai that Kotae Mah was currently falling apart. Tekoshai and Idiota could go and unbalance the elves in their moment of weakness... destroy the elves with what looked like elves.