The Giggling Dark: Session Seven

Xellous: 13 years old, the main character, played by my buddy Ryan Kurlak. He wants to be the greatest enchanter ever, and has had to deal with Flammeous Lads threatening his family. He's currently facing down a Behemoth of the Apocalypse.

Kora: Also 13, Xellous' wife. She's currently pregnant after being raped by her (now dead) father Altus, and owns a ridiculously powerful bow called Pyra, made for her by Xellous. She seems to have jumped off the deep end, having killed Veraunay in cold blood and causing a lot of trouble.

Telos: A man from another place, another time.

Ernzan: a man who has been implied to have made Michael summon the Flammeous Lads. He and Veraunay kidnapped Threen and Michael.

Michael: Kora's younger brother. He'd summoned a Flammeous Lad before, but has no memory of doing so. He just walked up to Xellous and proclaimed that he knew the truth about his mother, Threen, and that he wants nothing more to do with her.

Threen: Kora's and Michael's mother. Michael knows something awful about her. No, you won't find out what it is this session. Heck, you probably won't find out next session either (that's a guess, BTWs. Haven't run Eight yet)

Ikuinen Lampo: The star of the local area, who had sacrificed herself to keep the area from crawling with undead (referred to as a Rot Zone). She has made Xellous her champion. She lives in the Observatory, which is the center of her power.

Xellous woke up in Ikuinen Lampo's Observatory. Lampo was standing in the middle of her Observatory. She explained that the thing they were facing was called a Behemoth of the Apocalypse, a demon of chaos and destruction, intent on coming to the Observatory and eating her remains, thus allowing the Rot Zone to return. Without Xellous this would happen for sure.

Lampo showed Xellous a secret door in the side of the Observatory. It led to a workshop filled with every material known to man. Lampo explained that one day in this workshop was a minute in the real world. Lampo told him their best chance was to make a suit of armor for Telos, who would then use Pyra to destroy the Behemoth.

Xellous got to work... on a chest and arm piece for Kora. He made it impervious to all demonic activity. This took him three days to do. When he got done he decided he wanted to make leg pieces for Kora as well... and took another three days to do that. Lampo walked in, observed the work he was doing, and asked why Kora was getting all the armor. Xellous told Lampo that, despite everything, Kora was the savior of the world, not Telos. Xellous believed that Kora could pull it off, given the chance. Lampo smiled and told Xellous to make armor for Telos too.

After a week of working on a chest piece and arm pieces for Telos, Xellous thought he had it pretty well down. The armor melted. All his work was destroyed. He stared at what was left of his work, trying to figure out what to do next. He took a deep breath, grabbed what he had made for Kora, and walked out of the workshop, back into the Observatory proper.

Xellous woke up in his house, to the sounds of carnage just outside it. In his hands were Kora's armor. As he ran outside he saw the Behemoth had knocked over his father's barn and was devouring the helpless animals inside. Telos lay nearby, mortally wounded. Threen, Michael, and Kora were trying to keep him in the land of the living. Xellous didn't see his father around anywhere. Xellous ran up to Kora and gave her the armor. He told her to get out there and kill the Behemoth. Kora told him she had tried, but couldn't steady her hands well enough to shoot; she had shot wild every single time and had made an even bigger mess than the Behemoth had so far. Kora had given up.

Xellous told her to cut it out, that the world was counting on her right then and there, and that if she didn't pull off the shot no one was going to. He took a look at the Behemoth, took a deep breath, grabbed a nearby bow (Kora had brought his from earlier), and charged the distracted Behemoth, taking aim with his bow. Kora, who was busy putting on the armor, screamed "What the hell do you think you're doing??/" and Xellous replied "I need a skin sample from that thing! Its skin would make great armor!" He fired off a shot, and managed to get a small piece of skin off with his ordinary bow. This startled the Behemoth and it turned around, confused.

Kora shot in the leg as it turned around and it collapsed. Kurlak rolled 9 successes on 3 dice, against Obstacle 3. Xellous collected his skin sample as Kora walked up to the Behemoth and shot it in the head, putting it down for good.

The Giggling Dark: Session Six

Xellous: 13 years old, the main character, played by my buddy Ryan Kurlak. He wants to be the greatest enchanter ever, and has had to deal with Flammeous Lads threatening his family.


Kora: Also 13, Xellous' wife. She's currently pregnant after being raped by her (now dead) father Altus, and owns a ridiculously powerful bow called Pyra, made for her by Xellous.

Telos: A man from another place, another time.

Ernzan: a man who has been implied to have made Michael summon the Flammeous Lads. He and Veraunay kidnapped Threen and Michael.

Michael: Kora's younger brother. He'd summoned a Flammeous Lad before, but has no memory of doing so. He is currently kidnapped by Ernzan and Veraunay.

Threen: Kora's mother, also kidnapped by Ernzan and Veraunay.

Veraunay: Ernzan's wife. She had attacked Xellous, Kora, and Telos last session, and had been knocked out. She is now their hostage.

Veraunay was revived and Xellous examined her aura; she exuded lies. So Xellous asked Kora to help him talk to Veraunay, to try and trap her in the truth, somehow.  But Veraunay was abrasive and arrogant. She taunted Kora about Michael and Veraunay, mocking her powerlessness.

Xellous wasn't fast enough to stop Kora from pulling out an arrow and incinerating Veraunay with Pyra.

Kora screamed and tried to make a break for the cottage. Telos tried to gently restrain Kora, but Xellous tripped in trying to help Telos and fell on Kora, giving her the chance to break away and make a run for it. Xellous and Telos chased her, but the torrential rain gave Kora the chance to slip away. Xellous took Telos the direct route to the cottage, barely catching up to Kora.

Kora was just knocking an arrow to Pyra. Xellous was somehow able to get her to not shoot the cabin, but not to keep Kora from taunting Ernzan about killing his wife and sister. Ernzan, with a pitch black aura that was... secondary... to another aura(?) came out, Michael and  Threen in tow. Ernzan asked for clarification: had Kora really killed Veraunay and Meera.  Kora crowed that she had. Her aura was looking positively sickening.

Ernzan took a ring off his finger and said, loudly and clearly in the pouring rain: " I, the last of the Accursed of Xalmantra, renege on my oath." He dropped the ring and walked away. Michael walked up to Xellous and told him he knew the truth about Threen and that he was done. As Michael walked away the earth shook. Out of the ground arose a monstrosity of a behemoth. The sheer evil of its aura knocked Xellous out, cold.

The Giggling Dark: Session Five

Because it's been asked for.... the characters in this session from previous sessions!

Xellous: 13 years old, the main character, played by my buddy Ryan Kurlak. He wants to be the greatest enchanter ever, and has had to deal with Flammeous Lads threatening his family.

Kora: Also 13, Xellous' wife. She's currently pregnant after being raped by her (now dead) father Altus, and owns a ridiculously powerful bow called Pyra, made for her by Xellous.

Michael: 9 years old, Kora's little brother. He was somehow coerced into summoning the Flammeous Lads at the very beginning of the campaign.

Ernzan:  a man who has been implied to have made Michael summon the Flammeous Lads.

Meeria: Ernzan's sister, proficient with a knife and cold-blooded to boot.

Veraunay: Ernzan's wife. A very powerful witch. Meeria hates her.

Ikuinen Lampo: The star who had sacrificed her life to re-sanctify the earth and drive back the rot zone that had possessed it in a 50 mile radius around her sacrifice.

Threen: Michael's and Kora's mother.

As they started to back to the house Kora stopped and asked to talk with Xellous. Kora expressed Xellous' seeming friendship with Ernzan. Kora was convinced that Ernzan and his family were evil to the core and that Xellous couldn't see it. Xellous assured Kora that he would defer to her judgment.So resolved, they set off.

Xellous noticed a black stone on the ground. Curious, he picked it up; it was star metal! It fit into Xellous' hand perfectly, but was impossibly heavy. Kora wanted to leave it behind, but Xellous insisted, because it would make good enchanting material. It was too heavy to put into his pocket, so Xellous carried it by hand, awkwardly.

The stone began to grow hotter, but Kora, when she touched it, found it just as cool as when Xellous first picked it up. All of a sudden Xellous found himself Ikuinen Lampo's Observatory.The gigantic boulder of star metal, which is at the center of all observatories, stood where it should. Xellous heard a small, still voice, like that of a child, coming from the boulder. Xellous walked up to it and put his hand on it.

With a sigh the boulder split open. Out stepped an impossibly beautiful woman. She introduced herself as Ikuinen Lampo, the star who had sacrificed herself on this very spot. Lampo asked Xellous to be her champion against the coming darkness. Xellous asked Lampo about Kora and her fate. Lampo told him that, while Kora had her own path, it need not diverge from his. Xellous asked what he was fighting for, specifically. Lampo apologized, but declined to answer. She told him the issues he was facing had to be experienced; telling Xellous what was going on would not explain what was going on right now. Lampo then told Xellous  that there would be no other opportunity to talk with her because because of the quick advance of the darkness. Xellous agreed to be her champion. Lampo pulled in Xellous and kissed him. An overwhelming tingling sensation overtook Xellous and he passed out.

Xellous awoke to a zombie about to eat his face. Xellous screamed and started to get away, but he heard Kora scream and stopped. Meeria, Ernzan's wife, was standing on Kora's throat, Pyra in her hand. The zombie started to shamble towards Xellous.

The stone was still in Xellous' hand.

He held it up. The zombie screamed and fled, bumping into Meeria, who fell over. Meeria had a red aura around her, the zombie a gray. Kora grabbed Pyra, her aura turned red, and she vaporized both Meeria and the zombie.

A portal opened up in the ground and out crawled a man. Kora yelped, but the man had a calming blue aura and Xellous felt calm at his presence. He commanded Kora not to shoot him, and had to explain that somehow, some way, he could see auras now, and that now was not the time for that discussion. The man was naked and confused. He asked where Meeria was. He was relieved to hear that she was dead. He asked for a shirt of some sort (Kora was blushing) so Xellous took off his overshirt... which only barely covered the mountain of a man who stood before him. Thankful, the man introduced himself as Telos.

Campaign notes: This name has a huge significance, which was not lost on Kurlak. In another campaign, in another world, there was a man running around who claimed to be Telos, an enormous and righteous soldier of the light. It was later discovered that he was a Raksha and that the real Telos' whereabouts were unknown. It was never resolved in that campaign where Telos had gone. Kurlak had been in that game and had suspected that Telos from the very beginning as a fraud. So not only was it confirmed to Kurlak that this, indeed, was the real Telos, but that somehow he was in a completely different world. Telos also talked about the Herculean Empire as if it was a place he had just left, which was a massive empire from the "past" of his world. The Herculean capital had fallen hundreds of years ago, overnight, to a sudden swarm of undead after a meteor hit the earth, and was now known as The City of the Dead, its previous name expunged from history.

The trio hurried back to their house as fast as they could, only to find Michael... completely safe and sound, about to go to bed. After thoroughly questioning him  Xellous was satisfied he wasn't in any danger.  Telos ate his first real meal in a long time, enjoying every last bite of it.

The next morning it rained hard. Michael went to work his family's rice field, promising to return with Threen for lunch. The rain increased, but not hard enough for Michael to not return for lunch. Michael did not come for lunch with Threen. They hurried over.

The house's door swung wildly in the wind. The trio ran in to discover not one but two scuffles in the house. Xellous and Kora tracked the remnants of footprints, back towards the Cabin where Michael had summoned the Flammeous Lad in the first place. All of a sudden they were hit with a wall of water as Veraunay ambushed them. Xellous and Kora were stunned by the attack, but Telos was not. After a short scuffle Veraunay was knocked out.

The Giggling Dark: Session Four

Xellous and Kora went to Ikuinen Lampo's Observatory, arguing playfully along the way. The monks were at prayers in the Observatory when Xellous and Kora got there. There were three people  in the graveyard (Setting Note: Observatories are the only acceptable place to bury the dead, as the star's corpse sanctifies the earth and keeps people that die near it from rising up as undead. Obviously cremation was something that was banned very quickly by the undead overlords and still has so many negative connotations that it's rarely done. Instead, the people bury their dead near their stars.), who introduced themselves: a man by the name of Ernzan, his sister Meeria, and his wife Veraunay. It was raining, so after Kora was finished being sick in the corner of the graveyard they all went into the library, which was adjacent to the Observatory proper, and there they decided to await the monks.

Meeria and Veraunay began to search through the library for something, while Ernzan chit chatted with Xellous. The two took an immediate liking to each other, having similar temperaments and interests. Veraunay found Pyra, which was unstrung, recognized it for what it was, and complimented it with gusto. Ernzan explained that Veraunay was a genuine witch, who had supposedly died out in the land, before the Eclipse Liches had come. Xellous claimed responsibility for making the bow, and Ernzan, Meeria, and Veraunay were (properly!) in awe that a 13 year old could make a bow that could tickle a god. Ernzan and Xellous then declared they were going to be honest with each other: they both thought the Observatory was responsible for the summoning of Flammeous Lads. Xellous shared the schematic of a man holding a disc and asked Ernzan what he thought of it. Ernzan told him he thought it was a dark symbol but knew nothing more about it.

Everyone was so intent in this conversation that they didn't hear Brother Marcus, who had known Kora and Michael their whole lives (and had given The Field Manual to Michael) enter the library. Brother Marcus called out Ernzan, by name.  Meeria pulled a knife  and charged Br. Marcus. Xellous jumped in the way of Meeria, knocking her out of the way, and asked if everyone could just talk. A few petty words were exchanged; Br. Marcus rushed Xellous and Kora out of the library, to the other end of the graveyard, out of sight of Ernzan, Meeria, and Veraunay.

Br. Marcus explained that Ernzan, Meeria, and Veraunay were part of an evil cult who were out to bring back the Rot Zones by destroying the corpses of the stars. Br. Marcus was shocked to learn that Flammeous Lads had been summoned, and became furious when he learned that Michael had been the conduit by which they had come back. He immediately claimed it was Ernzan who made Michael do it.

The library all of a sudden went up in flames. Ernzan and Meeria came out, with Veraunay following them, reading a book. Xellous and Br. Marcus ran back to where the library had been, to face the trio. Ernzan made an offer to Xellous: to come with them. They weren't out to destroy the world and they hadn't forced Michael to summon the flammeous lads. Meeria threw a knife into Br. Marcus' throat and strode forward to Xellous, with Ernzan shouting in alarm and surprise.

A streak of fire separated Xellous from the trio. Kora strode over, Pyra strung, and knocked another arrow, threatening to kill all three of them if they didn't leave immediately. They did, with Ernzan pleading with Xellous to come with them, to help them save the world. Xellous realized they were referring to Michael. They began the rush home.

The Giggling Dark: Session Three

After talking talking with Kora about it Xellous went to ask Michael about summoning the demonic Flammeous Lad. He went to Michael's room, in the late evening, and knocked on the door. Michael was sitting by a candle in his room, looking at the Field Manual, the chief religious text of The Potted Fields. The book had been loaned to Michael  by Brother Marcus, who had known Michael since he was born. Michael had been looking at the pictures of preservation of of bodies and ghouls. Michael and Xellous discussed whether Altus was in hell, being eaten by the ghouls. Xellous then asked how Michael had summoned the demons to punish his father for raping his sister.

Michael admitted that he had no memory of the event and wasn't sure that he had done it at all. Relieved, Xellous asked what he did remember, and Michael said all he could remember was fire and a feeling that found both repulsive and attractive. Xellous brought Michael back to his house for the night to see Kora, who was relieved to hear that Michael hadn't summoned the Flammeous Lads on his own. Xellous and Kora then agreed to go back to the cabin the next day.

It was overcast and raining the next day. Xellous, Kora, and Michael trudged back to the the abandoned cabin. Once they got into the cabin Xellous noticed Michael acting strangely, but ignored it as he needed to investigate the cabin. Xellous found a circle, right in front of the fireplace, made from burnt blood. it was clearly a summoning circle of some kind. There was a finger from a child in another corner, and a symbol of a figure staggering under the weight of what looked like a large plate. There was also evidence that the fire had blood in it.

Kora screamed and Xellous turned around. Michael was coming at Xellous, eyes rolled in the back of his head, hands outstretched. Xellous didn't miss a beat and knocked out Michael. Kora didn't calm down but screamed and cried at Xellous, asking if Michael was OK. Xellous tried to calm Kora down, but only managed to piss himself off in the process. Trying to not take it out on Kora, Xellous picked up Michael  and carried him back to his house, Kora in tow. He then headed back to the cabin to examine it in peace, calming himself down on the way back to the  cabin. Sitting down and looking over the evidence again, Xellous came to the following conclusions:

1) The circle was designed for children to use it.
2) Janus, the child who was gutted by Michael, was the owner of the finger, which was used to draw the summoning circle.
3) The figure with the plate is not a demonic symbol.

Xellous returned and lied to Michael, telling him he was randomly targeted. He told the truth to Kora later, who brought up that the cabin was formerly the Ikuinen Lampo's Observatory library. They may have information on the cabin, even if they had let it fall to ruin.

Setting Info: An Observatory is this world's equivalent of a church, monastery, and well... observatory. It's always based around the site of a star who came to the earth and died. Their corpse is in the center of the Observatory, in the form of a boulder of star metal. The brethren stay there to watch the skies at night, communing with the stars that are still in the sky and the star that died on the earth.

The Giggling Dark: Session Two

A few weeks later and Xellous visited Kora's family's farm. As he walked through their rice fields he bumped into Threen, Kora's mother. She asked to talk to Xellous. People would begin to wonder about why Kora was pregnant and, with her father Altus being dead, the family's reputation would decline. Threen asked Xellous to marry Kora immediately, to preserve appearances for the family.  Xellous said he would talk to Kora about it.

Xellous went upstairs, to Kora's room. Kora was sitting there, on her bed, dishevelled. The smell indicated that she had not showered in weeks. Her hair was greasy. She nodded when he came in, and the two sat down to talk. They talked about her pregnancy, about how powerless she had felt, how much she wanted to have that power back. Xellous asked if she wanted to help him take the demon heart and make something of it.

It's here I break the fiction that I normally write with, because the next part did not really happen in game. Kurlak, Xellous' player, wanted to make a bow that would keep Kora safe. We sat down to figure out exactly what he wanted. The list was steep. He wanted to make a bow that could hurt spirits and hurt even a god. Considering that Xellous' Enchanting ability was gray-shaded from his Prodigy trait that part wouldn't be a problem. But Kurlak was greedy. He pumped bonus after bonus into the bow, over my balking about the difficulty of what he was doing. Contrary to my players' very popular belief I am very much their number one fan and want them to legitimately succeed. And Kurlak was setting himself  up for a huge failure at an Obstacle 15! 10's the normal max, but Kurlak had done everything possible to just... his chances of success was not great. 

Yes, Ob 15. 

Now, Kurlak had picked every single advantage in Enchanting he could, and so he had 7 gray shaded dice to roll with. He rolled.... and got 14 successes. He burned the Fate point to roll one of the open-ended failures, and got it. 

Xellous had made a bow that could deal a G15 wound to everyone and everything, capable of  tickling a god.

Fifteen days went by as Xellous and Kora labored over the bow. When it was done, Xellous handed it to Kora and the went out to a tree near Xellous' rice field. The bow was red and scaly. The arrowhead glowed red-hot when drawn. The tree shattered into a million burning pieces, flying all over the rice field. And Kora's smile was bigger than it had been in a long time. Xellous caught Kora up in his arms and asked her to be with him.

Kora laughed and asked "Aren't I with you already?"

Xellous laughed, swallowed, and said "No, that's not what I meant. Will you marry me?"

The Darkness Is Pointless

"Hope", by myself, 2005.
Charcoal and conte crayon on paper

I've not updated this blog in several months. Part of that has to do with a variety of things that have kept me very busy: kids, marriage, sickness, job, the usual. There have been weeks where I've hardly had a moment to breathe. But part of it has to do with the fact that, in order to write on this blog, I'd have to share the nihilism that I continuously encounter in myself. And it's not like these tendencies come out of nowhere. PTSD is a hard thing to deal with, not to mention all the incidents that caused the flash backs in the first place. But it's time to admit that there's a part of me, the part that creates, the part that loves, the part that feels joy, that is utterly tired, worn out.

Let's get this out of the way: I'm not in any real emotional turmoil most days. The days of constant  and utter despair are pretty much behind me, except when they're not. And those days are hard, so very hard! I know now that these days are the result of a body that's been hijacked by pattern and habit, that I have to learn new patterns and habits, and that this darkness will eventually change back into light. But that doesn't change the fact that, right now, creating anything is an act of agony, born of despair over long running exposure to darkness. But some times my soul reacts against this lingering darkness, to disastrous results at times. Those are the days I stare at the entirety of existence and wonder why the heck I even bother. These fade much more quickly than they did before, but I'd be lying if I said that they weren't still a thing at times.

Even with these returns to the horrific bleakness it still isn't the same. My mind has gotten clearer with each flashback and I've become more aware of the subtleties of the darkness I'm in. The hardest part of it all is to sit in the darkness and wait for the light to return. I want to try to grab a torch and light up the darkness in my mind, to fight my way out, to do everything I absolutely think I must to get out! But none of that works; the old man, with all his foibles and problems, must die. Trying to stop the darkness is not the point, because to fight the darkness is to accept that it is a legitimate part of me. And, contrary to popular liberal opinion, it is not. I am not this darkness, and I never was. That may sound naive, but at this point any and all classical liberal and Enlightenment claims about the nature of humanity ring incredibly hollow to me.

I am not this darkness; I am Christ's. I am, by virtue of my baptism, a god by grace, and like Christ, I am meant to suffer a long and slow death as the old man, the one who refused the baptism that I underwent, dies, little by little. The fact that this is uncomfortable is nothing in comparison to the fact that my Prototype suffocated to death under His own weight, literally. Most people have told me that I need to understand my depression and PTSD, but understanding has not done me very much good. If anything understanding has made the PTSD more dangerous in some cases, as I can see where the fallenness comes from and I feel the want to sympathize with it. There are no lessons in the darkness, only something to endure as I go to Hell with Christ, die, and come back, over and over again. One of these days the process will kill me, and on that day I pray that I am found worthy to move beyond it all. On that day there will be no more tears, no more horrific cycle of death and pain, because I will not want it anymore. On that day I will be free. I will be Home, in the arms of the God Who has gone along with my craziness all this time, Who respected my choices to a degree that I cannot do for myself.

But that day is not yet. And, as hard as it is to talk about it, that is my life in a special way right now. Christ is with me and knows my pain better than I do, since He is the one supporting my ability to feel it. Pretending that my pain is special is a poison, a lie that feels so cathartic, but has no actual worth. Christ holds all our pain, and thus mine. While my pain is prized by our Lord, it is hardly unique. Wounds are wounds, sores are sores, they are a deficiency, not my substance. It only has value because I have value in Christ's eye. It's hard to see a point on some days, but maybe that is, indeed the point: this world is not worth a thing in the end. And one of these days I will be free of that disappointment. For the moment, I've got my cross and Golgotha calls. Our culture abhors suffering, but so far the only time I've seen the light the clearest is when it turns the darkest gloom I find myself in into something beautiful, wonderful, and tragic. On those days the sorrowful Alleluia escapes my lips and I find that, just for a moment, my existence becomes something more than me. Alleluia for that!